Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML
Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML
Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML
Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
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Top comments
honeycutt8729 8
Hilarious
SoSickWithIt 14
..What is that mysterious ticking noise? ..Snape. ..Snape... Severus Snape. ..Harry Potter, Harry Potter! :D
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Comments (645)
THEGRUNGEROCK 4
hahahaha love it! sounds like my daughter
ErykahRenfrew 3
Did you tell her it's pronounced 'Toby' not Dobby? A good Toby would know that..
slipknotbabe356 2
Someone has been watching too much Harry Potter! Lol
Lo0o0o0oveMe 11
Your daughter is awesome.
padajuan 11
Maybe I misread, but "After several years.."? How else does she get new clothes?
wildboyzrule 7
Maybe you shouldn't have your child work for YEARS together some dang jeans
friedbunnies 9
The way you worded this makes you sound awful. You made her work for years for one pair of jeans? Why not let her earn money and buy her own? Why years? If they were expensive jeans, give her random jobs for a month max. You're cruel. And I was raised by wolves.
KiddNYC1O 22
After several years all you get her is a pair of jeans? No wonder she's trolling you.
creedaddict 9
I don't care who you are but that funny right there lolol
flames_rule 4
If she is free that means you don't have to feed her or buy her things anymore :) I'm guessing the housework was a pretty good job in exchange for a place to live and food to eat