Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML
Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML
Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML
Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
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Top comments
honeycutt8729 8
Hilarious
SoSickWithIt 14
..What is that mysterious ticking noise? ..Snape. ..Snape... Severus Snape. ..Harry Potter, Harry Potter! :D
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Comments (645)
shamounpaula 2
This is too funny!
DezzyDoom 3
Best kid ever. You should be glad shes happy with pants, and that she has such good humor.
carsonphillips 7
This is a WIN, not an FML.
xoxoCherryBamm 10
Hahahaha best thing I've heard all day.
Caramelli 0
Actually, it didn't say "after several years I bought her a pair of jeans", it said "after several years of helping I bought her a _new_ pair of jeans, wich means that she could have bought the last pair just a month ago. But still, your daughter is fun and a hell of a smartass kid :D
blutigenbonbon 10
In a good way, youdeserve that xD
cayytee 0
after years of doing chores shes only gotten one pair of jeans?
brian0079 1
I just about pissed myself
hautechic 0
I don't blame her
wolfgirl18 3
That's freaking awesome Lol