Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML
Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML
Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML
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Top comments
karmynashley 7
u have a stupid bf
Doortje 30
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen. SEX Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen. Yeah, that just wouldn't do it for me..
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Comments (104)
karmynashley 7
u have a stupid bf
bamagrl410 31
Agreed. There really are some strange people in the world o.O
OrginalOwen 0
I see no problem with religion.
DonULFonso 22
Well, as long as he BELIEVES it ;) ... ...just be aware that later he might feel he cannot marry a "****" who's done it while not wed...
bamagrl410 31
No I don't have a problem with religion. I'm just saying the thought process that he's remaining abstinent even though engaging in sex just because of prayer is delusional.
cguinn17 9
nobody said anything about religion there...
cguinn17 9
well now they have lol
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
either that or he has a major thing for god
Zya_fml 8
13 - Your profile says you're a grammar nazi, but that sentence was an epic fail. Just saying.
Anaxes 5
61 - Your profile picture says you're an idiot, which is proved by your jumping at nothing. Just saying.
DocBastard 40
Zya, both of the phrases "epic fail" and "just saying" sound ridiculous coming from a guy who obviously wouldn't know correct English if it smacked him in the face. Now stop stalking Bamagirl. She isn't your type anyway.
labratory5 0
******
jaeyuuji 1
Watch you get pregnant OP
unidentified_sta 5
Who's going to watch OP get pregnant, you?
jaeyuuji 1
You can watch OP for me.
aardvarkish 17
I'm there...
starile 20
Nope, noooope it doesn't count. He prayed. Same with that herpes OP can't spread to him during sex, because he's ABSTINENT.
iSitt 0
As a kid I prayed for a bicycle but never got one. As I hot older I realized god doesn't work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.
theFMLiest1ofThe 0
*got. but otherwise #72 that was hilarious!
Doortje 30
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen. SEX Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen. Yeah, that just wouldn't do it for me..
afroninjashuffle 0
exactly!
starile 20
Hey, if anyone knows anything about abstinence, it would be Mary. Just remind him that immaculate conception has happened before!!
gonphisting 5
Mary was a virgin only if you don't count anal
iSitt 0
As a kid I prayed for a bicycle but never got one. As I got older I realized god doesn't work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.
extremenoodles 0
Is it weird that this reminds me of Hamlet, and how he can't kill his uncle while he prays as he'd automatically get sent to Heaven? You know, in spite of killing people... I'm a strange child
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Yes I can see that. jk jk please don't cry =]]]
afroninjashuffle 0
u look like a grown women
sourgirl101 29
Did you know that the movie "10 Things I Hate About You" is the modern "William Shakespeare's" "The Taming of the Shrew"?(:
extremenoodles 0
I didn't mean 'child' in the literal sense. Also 19 isn't that grown-up, right?!?! 10 Things I Hate About you was my favourite movie long before I knew of the Shakespeare-y connections. Heath Ledger does that to a person. Plus I was super feminist so Julia Stiles appealed to me in most of her movies.
AAShah 0
Why are you complaining though? As long as your satisfied. Yes?
starile 20
Wouldn't you be disappointed if your boyfriend was a complete moron? AND apparently he's ashamed to have sex with her. FHL x 2.
Phustercluck 11
Somebody needs to invest in a dictionary...
mola_mola 3
why invest when you can pray for one?
ironyisforlosers 0
But does he yell out the lord's prayer when he cums? That is the real question here
CiaranPM 0
Religious people are so stupid.
cguinn17 9
People who make sweeping comments about one person based a single denominating factor (ie. Religion) are stupid. Especially when this factor is so broad, seriously? Ps. OP, you're boyfriend is stupid though :)
rasellersjr 0
I would disagree that religious people are stupid, I know many who are well educated and very successful. They are just miss guided... Put down the bible, embellished hundreds of years after the supposed incidents occurred, and read up on things more scientifically accurate. I've never seen an alien, but I'd believe in there existence before I believed in a god. Though, I don't think they are anymore capable of visiting us as we are able to visit them. If you have seen little green men, or have actually "heard the voice of god", you may want to seek treatment for that schizophrenia... OP, your man is most definitely an asstard...
petergurll 0
some religious people can be stupid .. any kind of person CAN be .. but saying that all religious people are stupid is the real stupidity here.
smellyturkey 0
I do not think religious people are stupid at all. I also don't know how putting down the Bible and reading scientific findings would help anything at all! And I don't know how you can web compare God and aliens. If he feels bad then WHY does he have sex!!?? I think that is ridiculous.
mrahhhhh 21
Well at least he's not wearing a purity ring around his junk thinking it'll keep him abstinent... I hope to God I did not just inspire a teenybopper to write a Jonas Brother fanfic 0_0*
ironyisforlosers 0
You're just a couple of years late on the fic. it's been done before, and it was horrific. Truly horrific
mrahhhhh 21
You're talking to a guy that's been hardened to most shocking stuff through the viewing of countless shocker images thanks to asshole friends, and that statement you just made me cringe. I never thought purity/genitalia ring Jonas Brother **** existed. Nasty! First "/b/tard" to say "Rule 34!!!111!!111oneone!" gets a Converse up the ass.
JManHobbs 0
Rules 1 & 2 are much more relevant...
dax002 0
sounds like he is praying for sex and then thank-you praying after sex
aardvarkish 17
That works.
afroninjashuffle 0
agreed