Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML
Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML
Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend would rather jerk off to porn than to ever touch me, even if I wear a naughty outfit. FML
Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML
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Top comments
karmynashley 7
u have a stupid bf
Doortje 30
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen. SEX Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death. Amen. Yeah, that just wouldn't do it for me..
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Comments (104)
Cinn_fml 23
Are you sure he meant abstinence and didn't just mean 'sin-free'? If it was the latter, then it's fine. But if he really did mean abstinence then you might want to educate him on what that really means.
mitchie11 0
Or just dump him.. if he's that retarded to think he can pray and be immune to losing his virginity, then I don't see the point.
afroninjashuffle 0
seriously! if it worked like that, every hooker, *****, ****, *****, etc. etc. wud be pure and clean and untouched! but since that is not thecase, they still remain dirty! excuse my language.
starile 20
According to Le Bible, being all "Lord, forgive me for this sin which I am about to commit" is worse in God's eyes than committing a sin unknowingly. Sooo, this kid is ****** either way, whether he believes it'll make him sex-free or sin-free. FYL, OP, for dating an idiot. Hey, at least if you get preggers, he'll think your kid is holy or something!
petergurll 0
44 - in the bible, mary magdolen (dont know how to spell it sorry) was a former prostitute and God forgave her ...
ahtari 0
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that Mary Magdalen was a prostitute. That was all made up afterwards, by men wanting to suppress women.
Cinn_fml 23
Mitchie - It's possible he's been misguided, maybe due to religion, prudish parents or lack of any decent sex ed. or a combination. Perhaps if the OP explains it to him, he might get it. Also, if he wanted to be abstinent, he should have told the OP before they ever had sex anyway. It's also a bit harsh to dump someone just because they're a little dumb. Afroninjashuffle - It is possible for sins to be forgiven. I'm no expert and so I don't know if it depends on circumstances or just being purely sorry for having committed a sin, but yeah, it is possible to forgive sins, otherwise I'm fairly certain most people (including religious ones) would be going to hell anyway. Starile - There is that. He'd probably be better off just praying afterwards. And it's not necessarily a good thing that he will think the kid is holy in that case. Either way, he's an idiot for thinking that it works this way, for he's religious, he should know what his own religious choices really mean and how they work. Petergurll & Ahtari - There was a woman who was supposed to be convicted of adultery that was to be stoned to death, but she was forgiven in the 'he who is without sin, may cast the first stone' parable.
Iknoweverything 29
actually, it does. Read it before saying "nowhere in the bible." When Jesus was dining with the pharisee, they mention it. I hate people who say things like "it's in the bible" and "it's nowhere in the bible", because they obviously haven't read it. I had a catholic magazine get pissed at me because I corrected every article where they said that stuff.
sourgirl101 29
What is he praying for again? i'm a little confused.
Draminicaus 0
Abstinence. You know, you thing you keep by NOT having sex? If that was meant to be sarcastic, please excuse my asshat comment.
wriptidez 0
well he feels guilty
jordanandkensie2 0
damn i need to do that
alaaloo_fml_fml 0
Hahaha that's silly.
rattusrattus 19
Tell him it's extra abstinent if you spank each other. :P
starile 20
Or if, say, he comes all over your face and **** instead of INSIDE you!
Freeze_fml 17
Oh my God.
Mirorbo 27
Not even my boys are that ignorant of how sex works...
docscientist 10
Oh his God.
MuchDance90s 0
"lord, grant me abstinence, but not yet..."
sourgirl101 29
Hey now, this comment was funny!(: