Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I phoned one of the IT guys upstairs for help with my PC. He said it would only take a few minutes; and would just fix it through a direct connection from his computer to mine. Hours later, I was feeling horny, and quickly checked out an adult website. Mr IT Guy was still connected. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML
Today, a female friend, who I'm mildly into, was crying into my arms about how tough things have been for her. I'm so touch-starved that I got a boner as I hugged her. She noticed. FML
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML
Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML
Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML
Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML
Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML
Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML
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Top comments
Too2 11
Turned that software into hardware eh?
iAmPaul 49
Learn to control yourself man.
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Comments (60)
iAmPaul 49
Learn to control yourself man.
toostupidtoname 2
OP got a boner... you know that thing, that sometimes decides to have a life of its own. He didn't do anything out of a line, as we know of course, so yours comment roughly translate to "Stare at sun for 12 hours straight, obtain super powers and learn no control mother nature, man."
UserError94 18
Or you can focus on your toes and tighten your thigh muscles to kill that boner. Warning: don't get caught looking at your toes and making weird thigh clenching faces.
LiveForSenpai 13
That's kind of unreasonable... controlling a boner is like trying to tame a wild lion whilst covered in expertly spiced filet mignon
JewKnowIt 19
It's difficult but not impossible, has a lot to do with redirecting the blood in your system by flexing. Hit some gym poses and you'll beat it in no time
iAmPaul 49
11, 34 - It's not impossible to do if it does happen. And while spontaneous erections do happen, in this situation it's OP's fault for letting himself fantasize like that in an inappropriate situation.
musoboy 22
You make the assumption that there was any fantasy at all.
HonestPie 10
You can fantasize wherever the hell you want, bud. Either way, judging by the way OP wrote it he probably didn't even think of a fantasy purposely.
iAmPaul 49
43 - No, I'm not assuming anything. When he states he's "so desperately lonely", he directly implies that he's fantasizing. 55 - Actually you can't. In certain situations, it's inappropriate to fantasize, especially if you're so lonely that the slightest contact immensely arouses you. It's a question of knowing your own capacities and inhibitions, "bud". You're ignorant.
toostupidtoname 2
56 - Late reply but I don't care... Anyway, he didn't imply anything about fantasizing, what he said that an event of woman giving him a number gave him a boner. So unless you want to say, that it is impossible to get boner without fantasizing. I will say that yours statement is full of shit. Secondly it is possible to control ones erection in most cases, but you first have to get it or start getting it, for you to have what to control so it is perfectly possible to get an erection, take it down and still feel like shit and so lonely that suck little and totally not intimate action managed to give person a boner.
iAmPaul 49
58 - Yes he did directly imply fantasizing. I never said it's impossible to get a boner without fantasizing, you moron. The second part of that response is not only rambling and incoherent, but inherently incorrect. It's possible to prevent yourself from getting a boner in the first place, which is the point of my original comment. Now get the **** out you idiot.
deltoren 11
Ummmmm #26 I don't think he was trying to go super saiyan.
Too2 11
Turned that software into hardware eh?
EwahWeeWah 21
Smooth hahaha
ThrottleJockey 36
It's called a giggity-byte!
XCanadianBloodX 6
Turn your floppy disc to a hard drive.
Mightytall 35
I bet he nearly flipped his desk over when he got up to say good bye ...
swegdood 15
floppy *disk
WOTAN1488 24
:/
Aerobic_Exorcism 13
Sounds like the start to an old porno.
onlychildFTW 34
Sounds like the start to a mid 90s porno when everything was about the personal computer.
shiba10 26
If you're that lonely go out more and look for friends :/
shiba10 26
Haha I don't see why my comment is being disliked. If someone is "desperately lonely" they need to put effort into changing that hence looking for friends.
ScottyDavis 6
Well it's not really about friends it's about finding a girlfriend/boyfriend. I know I don't get raging boners by hanging out with my friends. The OP clearly wants a significant other, not someone to do stuff with.
shiba10 26
So do you not consider someone you're in a relationship with to be your friend too? You can go in search for friends and end up enjoying their company enough to push further and get together. Go ahead dislike if you all please but I stand by the fact that he needs to pursue it. Besides, saying you're desperately lonely means you are lacking the company of others or are in need of someone caring. Unfortunately not everything is spoon fed to you and the results you get in life originate from the actions you are willing to put in. If he's desperately lonely he hasn't put in the effort to change that and clearly no one else is to blame.
moniculkin 19
Oh cheeky
CheekyRaccoon 27
You called?
kenwolfy 14
I'll help with that ;)
kite42 5
totally deserved that boner
NotGabe 28
I'm afraid to imagine how you'd handle the follow-up phone call.
whitnayfortooh 29
I didn't mean to thumbs down this my phone won't let me change it back...but that comment is hilarious
SixthSinEnvy 39
"Walked outside into the rain, checked my phone and saw you rang and I jizzed in my pants."
Dave_Davington 34
At my last job, I was buying lunch from the nearby takeaway shop and got a half chub when they gave me a free potato scallop with my food. I guess the thing to take away from this would be that cocks are ******* weird.
ALittleFreak 15
I don't need to know you, I now love you for this comment.
Dave_Davington 34
I aim to please.