Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML
Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML
Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML
Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML
Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML
Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
You sure attracted attention.
perdix 31
Which is why you don't. . . *lowers sunglasses* Crash, thud, thud, "watch out, asshole!," Ouch, oof, tinkle, moan, gasp. wear your sunglasses at night.
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Comments (172)
SilentTreatment 7
All you need is some game. Game consists of being dressed nicely, good cologne, knowing how to talk to a woman confidently and keeping your pimp hand strong. You don't need a book to tell you on how you should roll up in the club.
stronghand0331 17
"Bitch! I said get back here!"... "Oh Leroy! I'm so sorry daddy, I didn't mean to dance with that other..." *Leroy applies powder to hand* *Leroy commences with keeping the pimp hand strong and smacks a hoe* Leroy knows.
jgduplante 9
You were going strong til you said to keep your pimp hand strong.. Hitting a woman does nottt make you sexy.
sluggums 3
HAHAHAHA nigga you found the wrong techniques. does suck tho lol
Jollymanroper 1
Looks like someone read the game, you peacocking idiot lol
laceyanneman 7
I can not stand when people where sunglasses indoors. I feel no sympathy.
laceyanneman 7
Wear*
madgrinchhatter 12
You sound like walowitz on big bang theory
cbdee 8
Because OP sucks!
mrahhhhh 21
Don't go the way of the douchebag, friend. They're a joke with no punchline.
tuyetnhung95 3
Some how I see this as ur fault .... U should be urself if u have to be someone else for the girl to like u .... Well it's not worth it.
Pslcybn5 7
They call those people douches! YDI
longboardjunkie 0
You're the dumbass who wore shades indoors, and most likely at night too!