Today, after reading about seduction techniques, I wore shades and a brightly colored shirt to a club to attract female attention. However, the sunglasses rendered me almost blind, and I tripped over a step, crashed into tables, and thanks to the shirt, everyone saw it happen in glorious technicolor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML
Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML
Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML
Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML
Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML
Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML
Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML
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Top comments
Freeze_fml 17
You sure attracted attention.
perdix 31
Which is why you don't. . . *lowers sunglasses* Crash, thud, thud, "watch out, asshole!," Ouch, oof, tinkle, moan, gasp. wear your sunglasses at night.
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Comments (172)
Zeronos 0
If you're going to try peacocking, then you have to do it right.
structuredchaoz 4
Bro, I don't know what garbage you are reading but indoor sunglasses is a no no.
sugartitz 1
By book do you mean Jenna Marbles' Justin Bieber video?
BlAzEtHiS 0
Lol. That's rather funny in my opinion.
texas_redneck88 10
YDI for tryin' to be all cool. FAIL
itsmichelle97 0
Dooshbag at night
fastbunny34 0
Why were u wearing sunglassess in a club dumb ass
mbrooks5110 0
We are not birds, bright colors don't attract women... Most women like a confident man who is comfortable in their own skin.
doogy15 11
What fun would that be?
SwtCherryPie 26
I forget where but Ive read before that the color red is attracting to females. Doesnt mean theyll jump your bones or anything necessarily but something to do with women and the color red.