Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
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Top comments
PsychoMerk 0
what.the.****?
InsidiousChild 0
no, no u's havn't.
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Comments (249)
darbmutat 12
That's so horribly funny, though...
Danieleb56 0
ha ha ha that just made my day!!!
Sawako7 0
Sorry OP but you deserve it. You're fiancé was just trying to teach you a lesson. You really shouldn't drink that much. Be more responsible.
jennie8550 2
leave, don't walk away, run
ancora 1
Drinking to excess like that isn't healthy. If you have nights like that more than once, YDI for not setting and respecting your body's boundaries. I enjoy occasional drinking, but it only took one night of vomiting to get to convince me to never do it again. If you want your fiance to respect you, you should respect yourself first. And then if he still doesn't, he's not the right one for you.
nikkismexx 0
hair of the dog
AReyes387 0
Lol I'm so gonna do that, thanks
zxcfghqeop 0
thumb up for excessive drinking award!
VoiceOfRizhome 1
That's so disrespectful. If that's consistent with his usual behavior, I would consider DTMFA. Over time, you will start believing you deserve it, your self esteem will be gone, and from there it's a slippery slope to an abusive relationship. It's better to be alone than live a life where you're having your face pushed into shit (literally!) daily.
kinga08 0
DTMFA = dumping that mother ******* asshole? I love trying to figure out acronyms! :)
joshosh420 2
handle your shit n there wont be no shit hahaha