Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
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Top comments
PsychoMerk 0
what.the.****?
InsidiousChild 0
no, no u's havn't.
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Comments (249)
NANDwich 5
Puke on him.
JustLetItHappen 2
Maybe she was doing it without him. Hence him saying that'll teach ya.
vistamar 3
Wtf?!
xosmiilexo 0
That will teach you. But, he should have been a little more considerate.
immegan 6
when he goes to bed, throw a bag of flower on him and say "that will teach you to sleep in my bed!" then maybe he'll realize you can be just as childish as he is
tama332 0
end.it.
DynamicDave 11
You have...creepiness.
el_chinito 6
you have pretty eyes!
jjaymemusic 2
Some of these comments are so stupid. "Dump his ass!". Why would anyone throw away a relationship at that level (engaged) for a simple joke? Also punching him in the balls or kicking him in the "dangling" would be extremely counter-productive, considering most engaged/married couples want to have kids eventually. If she's drunk, there's no control. What if she ruptures his ********... over being pushed into the ******* toilet. God damn. Idiots.
watch1988 3
Maybe not from one joke, but it's certainly indicative of his personality. If someone disrespected me like that, I would dump them. I would most certainly have a talk with the person even if it was a joke, because that doesn't indicate a mature man who should be getting married any time soon.
Pufferfish78 5
But getting drunk to the point of puking is a sign of maturity?
Elenachka 0
It's not a sign of immaturity, either. It's something legal, common, and indicative of nothing. Also, to everyone saying she was drinking excessively, some people will throw up after 3 drinks while some won't even feel 3. More people drink and are completely functional adults than not. I'm thinking high school SADD/health class is getting ridiculous. Lol I remember you guys. "THATS SO GROSS!" Forward to, 22 most of you will be bonging beer on a Wed night, having a blast, and laughing at your naivety. Yours, a pro-choice non-drinker:)
a_nutritionist 10
something being legal doesnt make it acceptable. something being common doesnt make it acceptable.
Elenachka 0
acceptable to whom, exactly?
ironwords 8
I agree, if you don't want the humiliation don't drink during my first hangover I had to do hard work
SnailJamsss 6
What a ******* dick.
TBfml15 9
Nah, that's acceptable.