Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
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Top comments
PsychoMerk 0
what.the.****?
InsidiousChild 0
no, no u's havn't.
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Comments (249)
badgirl90987 9
epic win.
emsiti 6
he did the right thing drinking to much will kill you i know a few people who died of it
lv8898 0
and that, your honor, is when I had to kill him.
kainpwnsu 19
And, DID you learn anything? Perhaps that getting hammered sucks?
babyblue666 1
throw that ****** out
crazyrunnergirl 7
that's sorta mean if him but you still deserve it for drinking that much
Wallin3 0
that'l teach ya!!
bingababe 16
Ah, actually my iPhone does. Because I use u's a lot when texting it changes us to u's.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
I can only imagine what he'll do if you got pregnant. Kick you in the stomach? ..On second thought, I'm somewhat intrigued..
heyred 11
Yeah, he's mature enough to tale that whole, "in sickness and in health" thing seriously. What a jerk.