Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
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Top comments
PsychoMerk 0
what.the.****?
InsidiousChild 0
no, no u's havn't.
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Comments (249)
alaskanhybrid 5
OMGROFLOLMAO
meintx 9
That's just messed up. There's no way he'd be my fiancé or even boyfriend after that. What a douche bag. Clean the toilet with his toothbrush. Lol
Ozma_fml 0
Yeah, he would definitely be my ex. What is the average age of commenters here? 12 or 13? Most of you have obviously not lived much of a life if you think alcohol induced puking is worthy of bizarre behavior that borders on abuse. Wow.
annihil8or 15
Chase him with your hot iron, at least it will b good exercise
FMLsOhilarious 6
Your fiancée is awesome!
happy_dino 6
You should kick him in the nards and broke up with him then screamed "That'll teach ya!"
jbabe05 0
agh! oh it would be on after that! **** with him real good or kick him in the nuts! P.S. don't drink like that anymore :)
shaniecerb 0
im sorry,what did he do wrong?yea it was gross but he said "thatll teach u" or whatever so it probably means she gets shit-faced too often.so oh well dont b such a jr. alcoholic.ydi
Barney_Rubble_75 0
slip your engagement ring off your finger, put it in your pocket. walk/stumble out and say "ring fell in toilet. you wanna marry me, you get the ring out mo fo," then curl up & sleep, puke in his bed... whatever... but smile to yourself while you hear his dry-reaching and swearing from the bathroom. *winning*
LOLZATYOSHITLIFE 0
HAHA GOTCHA GOOD BITCH