Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML
Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML
Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
A dog doing a rain dance? Please tell me you recorded this and uploaded it to YouTube.
deviable 9
Lasso that back bone back in and stage a tap dance on his face. With cleats.
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Comments (145)
music87 14
Dang. I'm sorry OP.
jamsmunoz 0
Yes u are. And so is ur comment. And so is op for letting the dog make the car his bitch haha get it? . Wimp with car>asshat with dog
Ecklcakes 15
Are you the asshat?
thaCODgod 4
7 is a asshat
bfsd42 20
Serious fail op. Figure out where your balls are and work from there. Definite ydi for being a wuss. And anyone who says otherwise is either a sympathetic female ( in which case, bless your soul) , or another loser, ydi.
robertlovespi 3
I really hate these "I'm sorry OP." commenters.
m0tl3ycru3 0
They're thoughtless, meaningless comments that take up valuable commenting space
btnhdude 0
*sniff sniff I think I smell a new episode of Bully Beatdown!
WeemanIsBack 3
Look at the jealous comments about not being first!
GameOver008 1
That dog and his owner are high.
cheefer 0
Why are most of the commenters such *******? Speak your ******* mind. Saying sorry doesn't add anything to the actual FML. Being empathetic to their blight would get you anywhere, it's the Internet dumbass. Are we not here to ridicule and poke fun at the OP??
Sebastian_NG 17
18 or OP could, you know, figure out where the asshat's balls are, get a plank with a nail, and, you know...
Melvar_10 3
I said, I said, if you can't keep a tiny dawg off duh roof of yo cawr, how are you gunna keep a bull out of you life op my boy! I says if you toughen up a bit boy, you knock down any, I said any, foe! Hear me boy? Hush hush, you talk too much! Of course you heard me!
tjv3 10
figures you wouldn't stand up for yourself . I hear that when you live in California they make spine removal mandatory
music87 14
I don't see what is wrong with apologizing. I didn't know how to reply to such a random FML. So how is this then, 'OP, grab a baseball bat and chase they guy away. Grow some balls!!'
music87 14
??
madaoxsan 9
Melvar for FML impersonation guru. GET ON THAT BADGE, FMLife.com!
Renesaga 8
A dog doing a rain dance? Please tell me you recorded this and uploaded it to YouTube.
m0tl3ycru3 0
You tube gold!
DynamicDave 11
This is one of those times when FML needs a "WTF" button. Or better yet, a "WTFMFF" button (What the ******* mother ******* ****?)
bizarre_ftw 22
2 + 34 My thoughts in a nutshell! Also, op, if you did record it then send it to AFV and see if it wins anything, maybe that way you can pay off the new paint job and piss off the big scary guy (from a safe distance) that sees his dog winning you a shit load of cash Win win ^_^ You know... Except for the raindancing dog and its asshat owner :/ but hey! You'll have cash! Maybe you could send them a thank you card.
StopDropNRoll 11
A thank you card with his address on it? Idk about that one
madaoxsan 9
I was kind of thinking that maybe OP was the high one....and in all actuality he was laying on the ground or something and saw someone walking their dog past his line of sight. just a theory. and no judgments...tripping balls is amazing, yet confusing. Sometimes enlightening...not always though. Don't do drugs, kids.
rubberduckie94 13
Yeah, op left out the crucial detail. This FML left me needing more information
Neukmijnleven 9
You're just a coward.
boofgall 16
No, he's thinking ahead.. That asshole could really hurt him.
silverhelms 5
Yea what pussy
dyble95 0
Personally I value my life and health over my car...
silverhelms 5
Trololololololol
Spoonz 4
I think the op could have at least tried to speak to the owner instead of just letting him think your ok with it. As the saying goes p*ssies dont get p*ssy
trolololololol92 0
Coming from the person with a phineas and ferb picture
trolololololol92 0
Coming from the person with a phineas and ferb picture
deviable 9
Lasso that back bone back in and stage a tap dance on his face. With cleats.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
I would have bit him with my hand. Then kick him in the nuts so hard his dog would feel it, then punch his throat once he's down to ur size.
deviable 9
How specific.
enopola 5
Everybody is an MMA fighter on the Internet. I would have shot him with my hand cannon like megaman.
TheTehOhPeh 4
25-For the record, how do you bite someone with your hand?
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
Wow u have to be the first person not to look at my picture and asked why my hand has a mouth on it.
frokeyman92 9
Word
GodsLittleMistak 8
Could it not do the rain dance on the ground...?
The_Troller 14
The real question is, why was it dancing at all!?
anencephalic 14
Obviously, for precipitation and a good harvest.
robertlovespi 3
Should have at least smiled and called police from your locked car.
dpgft10 0
...Behind your glass windows??
justlikeme79 9
Asshat indeed.
hilary56 0
And grow a pair man, smiling only makes it seem like it was okay. Which it wasn't.
Freeze_fml 17
Man up.
AlaskaKid95 7
The way I read this nothing made sense. /:
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
same, I'm still confuzzled a bit
TheAftermath 0
Long story short, there was a huge dude and huge dude let his mongrel dance on the roof of OP's car and ruining his paintwork and OP doesn't have the guts to tell the huge dude to get his mongrel off his car. Get it?
AlaskaKid95 7
Ah, I get it now.
tweetypie 18
Why is the dog dancing on the car?
sskarma23 9
What the **** is a "foghorn leghorn"?
thedoenut 5
It's that chicken thing from looney tunes
jalapeno64 10
You should have keyed his car for revenge