Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML
Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML
Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
A dog doing a rain dance? Please tell me you recorded this and uploaded it to YouTube.
deviable 9
Lasso that back bone back in and stage a tap dance on his face. With cleats.
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Comments (145)
kensiroo 0
wow. honestly, OP sounds like a snobby bitch.
Maddoctor 10
Really? How? Because I didn't know it was a snobby thing to get upset over some other guy letting his dog ruin the roof of your car. You must be the chillest person alive if you have absolutely no problem with that.
CaptainJackCat 5
Question. How would you feel if someone allowed their pet to destroy the roof of your car? I'm pretty sure you'd be complaining.
skyeyez9 25
A taser will compensate for lack of backbone.
weepingangel_fml 7
Haha! That was me!!!
HomeAl0ne 20
There's this new thing they've invented for when someone a bit scary starts doing things to your car when you're inside it. It's called 'driving away'. Check it out.
lionlvr 9
Do not call dogs pieces of crap, he was taught that way and he can't help it. All dogs are sweet.
zaz2408 0
The owner taught the dog to climb ontop of a car and do a rain dance? Damn, he's one hell of a dog trainer, that's for sure.
friedeggyolive 7
hahaha I love you!
happy_dino 6
Where's the WTF button when you need it?
Ami_lee333 5
you smiled as if it was cute LMAO
Donniehw 5
Punch him in the balls! Then go inside and lock the door... He won't be able to get inside.... And you get revenge for your car...
chels1994 11
Well, it needs to find its way back into town... not saying you deserved this cuz you didn't, but have some self respect. Not all huge guys are violent and tough. Just be careful.