Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML
Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML
Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
A dog doing a rain dance? Please tell me you recorded this and uploaded it to YouTube.
deviable 9
Lasso that back bone back in and stage a tap dance on his face. With cleats.
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Comments (145)
ishida1235 0
It's asshole not asshat dumba**
CaptainTuna 0
I love you
Clarice1 9
That does suck, and I get that you're angry, but how does the dog's being a mutt make it worse? For that matter, would you have minded less if the guy were wearing a suit? Way to tell people about something bad that happened to you and manage to make yourself look like the bigger jerk.
wetwillieweens 3
OP, if you have a gun, use it. You can't MMA a bullet.
zaz2408 0
So basically your saying instead OP should have stabbed the guy to death or something?
theressarina 2
YDI, wuss.
btgballer 0
Big guy < running over him with car
luke7bolton7 0
Why didn't you pull your shotgun on him and his dog? Don't all rednecks magically pull them out of their ass's?
m_alyxis_watson 0
Thats so rude OP it isnt the dogs fault dont call him a peice of crap
fadingaway 17
YDI for being a pansy and for calling a dog a piece of crap. I'm sure you're the piece of crap. Nice usage of "asshat" though. (Supernatural s02e20: Dean: The djinn, it attacked me. Sam: The gin? You're drinking gin? Dean: No, asshat, the scary creature, remember?)