Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. He ran straight into a muddy pond, came back to shake himself off, and got mud all over my freshly cleaned white hoodie. A stranger passing by gave us a thumbs up and said, “Good boy!” I'm not sure who he was talking to. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML
Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML
Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
A dog doing a rain dance? Please tell me you recorded this and uploaded it to YouTube.
deviable 9
Lasso that back bone back in and stage a tap dance on his face. With cleats.
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Comments (145)
monkeybanana 7
11- same here... /:
robertlovespi 3
There is a little button for replying directly to comments.
ellybelly_502 4
That's pathetic OP. I would never have let anyone mess up my car. YDI for being a pushover
jhldc 1
Yo c'mon give op a break. Maybe ops scrawny has no fight experience. It's easy to say oh I would Stand my ground and not get pushed around. But not everyone thinks it's a good idea to possibly get their ass kicked. Think if op stood his ground he would have gotten beaten up and would need a new paint job resulting in the same fml but with the whole getting his ass kicked.
ellybelly_502 4
OP doesn't have to be disrespectful, just say something like "um dude, don't know if you noticed but your dog is messing up my car. Could you get him off? Thanks bud." At least do something ya know?
ArmadasRebellion 1
Yes we know
FYLDeep 26
Should have walked up to him and said, "What in the **** - I say, what in the **** you think you're doing, son? Scratching the paint on my car, that is."
deviable 9
Op isn't a rooster, he's a chicken.
justlikeme79 9
Clever.
TheSithAssassin 15
+10
aJaguarinRed 9
Heeey, Pip.
Angelice_fml 0
At least he didn't kidnap your cat.
CVeNgineer 0
Wait..huh?
yuri63f6 7
Wow!! Nice wording! FYL tho...
blowntegdb8 5
Dang grow a pair. At least tell the guy to control his animal. All else get all the info on him you can, plus a pic of him and his dog an then call the cops. Man up!
bennn89 5
I really want a foghorn leghorn T shirt now lmao.
leadman1989 16
I would have beat him with his dog.
blowntegdb8 5
Better yet.. Someone needs to beat the dog owner and put him in his place.
purple91 8
OP, you sound like a little bitch and I don't like you.