Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
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Top comments
annis_fml 0
lol...he seems to have some insecurity issues
rukusrazor 0
What a loser, unless you are a constant nag, so much so that he thinks everything you say to him sounds like you're telling him what and how to do.
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Comments (250)
lonerftl 3
lol...
sarahasnoxh 0
lol my boyfriend is the same way.
offtheheezy 0
Party Pooper. Sorry. =/
3arthb3nd3r 0
lol boyfriend fail at least it'll never happen again!
OMGQueenB 0
Ahaaaaa @ #9 and the OP. Made my day. It has occurred to me, though, that it does actually sound like you're saying "C'MON, TRY HARDER, YOU'RE SHIT". ...But hey.
alexgisforme3 0
guys are not supposed to get angry at a girl/woman, if they respect them at least.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
gals are not supposed to be sexist bitches either
ballwiz23 0
says who? you can respect someone and still get angry at them. sexist
xNephilim 19
Getting mad and respect have nothing to do with each other. Jeez.
helios_rex 0
Your boyfriend is GAY, ****, FAG, FUDGE PACKER, RUMP RANGER! I'll let you get as dirty as you want when we're *******... come to daddy!!!
WomboCombo 0
There's not a man alive who doesn't like it when their property talks dirty to them. This is biggest load of bullshit I've ever read. I think I know what happened here. He was trying as hard as he could without breaking bones. But you being the **** that you and all women are are loose, like a wind tunnel. Yea I know I'm right on this one.
CrossY 0
Perhaps not the best choice of words when it comes to dirty talk, especially if he isnt in to it or you just randomly said that after months of regular sex. I can imagine getting kinda annoyed over a comment like that if you interpretate it the wrong way :D
jm88 0
Wow what a putz. If my girl asks for it harder, I give it to her harder. Hell, I'll slap her ass for her too. ; )
Ucla_cupcake 0
You remind me so much of my boyfriend lol