Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
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Top comments
annis_fml 0
lol...he seems to have some insecurity issues
rukusrazor 0
What a loser, unless you are a constant nag, so much so that he thinks everything you say to him sounds like you're telling him what and how to do.
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Comments (250)
Jaywin 3
That isn't even dirty talk. Your bf just has major insecurity issues and isn't confident in the bedroom. You gotta get that dude to release his inner tiger and when that happens, you'll be too busy moaning and screaming your lungs out to get out coherent words such as "harder" and "faster".
fretforyerlatte 0
seriously. wtf. don't marry this one. if he can't even take you saying "harder", things are going to get mighty boring in the bedroom. you don't wanna get stuck with that for the rest of your life. if you want to be good in bed you have to be open to suggestion! hahaha.
ima_krackerr 0
76.. since forever.
Eugene6973 0
I agree with 77, a real man would **** your pussy so hard it would feel like it was being torn apart and you'd only be able to scream and moan as loud as you could till he pulled out and jizzed in your sweet, hot mouth and forced you to swallow.
ayadora 0
Awww he was feeling inadequate.
bigcrazymike 6
80.. and in the middle of your "tearing it apart" as hard as you can, she would softly whisper in your ear, "harder". Because as hard as you can, just isn't hard enough for her.
live_your_life_fml 0
nice guy. dont marry this one ;)
WildBill1337 0
how does a schmuck like this get laid, but i dont? WTF!!!!
trapiadora 0
Hahahaha this one is halarouse but i guess some people are sensetive probably not the smartes thing to switch it up on him. The best thing about this FML is the coments hahahaha.
Jlovesyou 4
haha. well thinking theoretically of course i think you wld know what they like...guess not. anyways FYL