Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
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Top comments
annis_fml 0
lol...he seems to have some insecurity issues
rukusrazor 0
What a loser, unless you are a constant nag, so much so that he thinks everything you say to him sounds like you're telling him what and how to do.
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Comments (250)
aback 5
So next time wait till he's banging away and ask "Is it in yet?"
bonafidehustler 0
#32: Are you nuts? "Oh yeah, harder" is not the best choice of words during sex? That's probably the most standard dirty talk there is! I don't see how she could expect him to interpret it like that. He's obviously a little too sensitive about it.
jm88 0
Yeah, if you're offended by "harder", I dont think dirty talk is the name of your game.
fmylife324 0
That sucks... my boyfriend would have given it to me faster and harder til I past out.
boatiebanter 0
Sounds like he's insecure about his bed skillz, but it also sounds like you often nag at him for him to interpret the comment in that way. Also, if you don't usually say things during sex, maybe start with things like "ohh that feels good" rather than instructions?
Shadydeals 0
Your boyfriends a bitch.
dudeitsdanny 10
Hahaha, that is HILARIOUS. I feel bad for you, I really do, but this is GREAT
Leprecon 3
Sucks to be you. I find it horny if my gf says stuff like that
Yulia_fml 0
#34 - HAHAHA ! OP, it's all about positive reinforcement. You can work your way up to the demands later.
nikki1001 0
#9 lmao! #31: Um, wtf? So when a girl is blowing you, you just like her to go real slow so it takes forever to feel any kind of sensation? Hard and fast is what feels better. No woman is "property" and liking rough sex with their BOYFRIEND doesn't make them loose *****. And lol #33, my bf does the same. Anyway, must not be great in bed if you said "harder" and he said he was trying. Ouch.