Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML
Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
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Top comments
LizabethLashay 0
that's nice if you, but screw that. he'd be cleaning that up.
therevolution 0
ur a sweet gf for doing that:) but that still sucks sorry op
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Comments (140)
MadeOfAwesome 1
Well, yeah, he speaks the truth.
Ms_Jessie22 8
I would've told him to get his lazy hungover ass up and do it himself. OP's boyfriend = loser!
Ninja666_fml 0
agree with Jess he's horrible
GavinRoskamp 0
Again, 3 had nothing to do with 1. Go die, Jess.
kybabyy 4
You don't 'have' to do anything. YDI for being a doormat.
therevolution 0
dang # 8 what's ur problem with her just let her post what she wants to post without the criticism people apparently forget we are on here to criticize the fml not each other...
MadeOfAwesome 1
#8, she doesn't "need to die" because of replying to first comments. go take a nap, uptight asshat -__-
seanreddog 4
Gavin, if thread jacking is such an issue to you why contribute to it? Op, you shoulda partied with, him not against him!
Ms_Jessie22 8
Gavin- So because I do something that you don't agree with I should "go die"..? Wow judgemental much? Get over yourself, you're not so noble.
GavinRoskamp 0
Sorry, bud, but look in the mirror. I'm not promoting threadjacking at all. I am trying to explain to the majority of people here why it's annoying. I would rather not see totally unrelated comments from attention ****** first, then real ones later, I prefer to see related comments. In a perfect world, FML would show most recent comments first. But I guess that would be too easy.
RaIeigh 0
Gavin, in the process of "not promoting thread-jacking" you just thread-jacked like 4 FMLs. Also, if you're going to insult someone for doing something you feel is wrong, don't turn around and do the exact same shit. It makes you look quite stupid, and pretty pathetic for wasting your time in doing so.
kybabyy 4
Why are you singling out Jess? It's not like she is the only one who does it. And telling someone to go die is rather harsh. Sooo.. stfu if you can't be civil.
Ms_Jessie22 8
Raleigh, Ky Thanks for having a brain. I appreciate it.
therevolution 0
hah what about me?...
GavinRoskamp 0
22 I'm not "doing the exact same shit." I am replying to her, with a related comment, using the reply button. I am not replying to the first poster with unrelated information reguarding my views of the FML. Kthxbai.
cookie_monster2 0
Gavin I will say this nicely. your an ugly stupid bitch who needs to get laid man. and you should go to hell I your wishing death on people. that's just harsh.
gutzzzz 0
AHAHHAHAHAHA I'm going to wish death upon someon for commenting on an FML..... are you serious? if you waste your time arguing about stupid stuff like this ur never gonna have a life, please go outside Gavin, for the sake of humanity, plz :)
Ms_Jessie22 8
Thanks to everyone on this FML (except for a select few: you know who you are..) for having a brain! Love y'all :)
RaIeigh 0
#28 - Regardless of who you were replying to, your post ended up right under the #1 comment anyway. So once again, you are in fact doing the same thing you're picking on Jess for. Please, if you're going to put up a coherent argument, don't make yourself look stupid in the process.
GavinRoskamp 0
36 There is no way to reply to a single reply to a comment. Why? If it were to indent for each reply, it would get so squished it would be unreadable (as Freeze pointed out). Therefore I *am* being coherent. Yay me! *Done replying to this FML*
RaIeigh 0
That's one less thread-jacker gone :].
gutzzzz 0
I wanna threadjack still thoughhhhh :/ I wanna push my #2 comment to the second page :D
Crotcho_fml 0
no Gavin, please DONT go outside. just stay in your little house where we don't have to be publically exposed to you. stay here on the internet where you belong... being the Internet Police.... officer, sir.
anaisnin 0
Gavin, instead of bitching on everyone elses FMLs why don't you post your own about it... FYL...
oneforme 0
I would take a poo poo on his neck there girlie :)
brutal_banger 10
I'm with Gavin go die or at least stop posting stuff and change your picture it's uh..how do I say this it's hasslich
Ms_Jessie22 8
Uhh I'm with everyone else on this, GTFO or at least STFU. Thanks :)
MexRomeo 0
Gavin is a dumbass!!!!!!
cookie_monster2 0
I don't want to be veggie monster anymore :( I like cookies better
hackymeal 0
I just ate maccas
Notjustanother1 0
he's a bitch if he can't handle going out without having to puke . ditch the lil kid.
Devolver 0
Gavin, your bitch ass made scroll all down to read the decent comments. GTFO! OP, you should've dragged your boyfriend to the puke and pushed his lazy face in it.
gohabs21 0
#3 you're like 16, you've never been hungover, stop pretending that you know what it feels like. KTHNXBAI
sxyntx 0
life isn't fair.......he needs to clean up his puke! that's what he gets for bein an a$$
xACIDDx 0
Jessie just ignore Gavin and don't let him get to you. Seeing on how he told you to "go die" for replying to the first post he's most likely just some kid that thinks saying that makes him cool. And Gavin if you have a problem with FML not being perfect then go somewhere else. Websites are hard to manage and I seriously doubt you would be able to do a better job.
nirenna 6
what a douche
look_its_me 0
hey, at least he didn't go home to someone elses house...
ninjacapo 2
k gavin. take your hypacratical ass to some other site if ur havn trouble with fml. this is how its done and ur apperently an attention ***** because u are picking a fight so people notice u. people can do what they want chill the **** out
radmuffin 12
28 STFU!!!! I've seen you bitch on several posts today about the exact same shit. Jess is not the only one who does it. Most people that frequent this site do it. Take your own advice and "go die." You're a judgmental prick who obviously doesn't have a life. Grow up.
Ms_Jessie22 8
72- Really? I've never been hungover? I'd like to know where you get your information from since you seem to know my life so well.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
You guys don't realize that Gavin's campaigning to make a point?! Let me break it down. Know how annoying it is to read his comments on every post? Regardless of how the frequent threadjackers see it, the first thread tends to be the same few conversations between the same few people over and over again. It gets quite old. If you're gonna chat where everyone has to see it, at least make it interesting :/ And, contrary to popular belief, the comments weren't always this way. We used to use the reply and new comment buttons appropriately.
Kondustra 8
ok gavinroskamp is a douche and i srsly applaud u all for tearing him a new asshole but in the future for the love of YEVON people dont feed the troll lol! +10 points if u know what the hell yevon even is. also, #11: your new pic is very good =)
gohabs21 0
uh the fact that you look like a 10 year old?
Kondustra 8
@115 lrn2profile browse u goddamn moron. syas right there shes 15, and most 15 yr olds i know have been comletely ******* smashed at LEAST once or twice already. im not CONDONING it im just saying that by now shes prolly been to one or two parties and regretted it the nxt day. lrn2read fuckstick kthxbai ^_^
ilovechocochipz 0
gavin, shut up, in your 'perfect world', she would still be third.
puggfuggly 0
I agree with #8 Jess can go die she's not even that hot I don't understand why so many people get boners over that bad pic
fletchasketch 0
jesus. youre in every post. get a life. no one cares that you're part of the fml family and a regular.
gutzzzz 0
pshh, if I tried that I'd get smacked lol, tell him to take some responsibility for his actions :p
therevolution 0
ur a sweet gf for doing that:) but that still sucks sorry op
Lisimal 7
Take a shit on his face and make him clean it up.
oneforme 0
I want to marry you. I would love it if you took a shit on me baby!
ninjacapo 2
lol u can shit on my face ;).
MrSassypants 34
make him do it when he wakes up and sleep on a coucj
LizabethLashay 0
that's nice if you, but screw that. he'd be cleaning that up.
silentbutfunny 0
At any party (or anywhere for that matter) whomever pukes cleans it up. And if you refuse you get kicked out.
FYLDeep 26
As someone who lives in Wisconsin, I know that his behavior is pretty typical actually.
anaisnin 0
in MN too lol
MrSassypants 34
couch* dafp!
Fumo 0
well this is perfectly fair if he would do the same for you
Cinn_fml 23
Yes, if he does the same for the OP, then it's fair. If however he never cleans up for her when she's feeling 'unwell' then she really should just leave him where he is. Also, he did bring that hangover upon himself, he should know that he should deal with the consequences (hence why I put quotations around unwell).
letmeinplease 0
When my boyfriend threw up in my bedroom sink and was too 'unwell' to tidy it up, I was happy to get him a full english, cover the mess with sprays and clingfilm, and wait until he was 'well' enough to clean it up himself. Then I got kudos for being a nice girlfriend and didn't have to clean up his sick.
NeNiTa14 0
agree with #3, I would have made him sleep on the puke.