Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
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Top comments
RensM 22
At least he has a great sense of humour!
BRLHP 24
Sounds kinky.
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Comments (124)
Musically_Gifted_fml 3
We need to make a "Your life is awesome" option
gamegeek42 6
Lmao thats not an fml! He has a good sense of humor!
Lucky7Samson 10
Your boyfriend is epic. He deserves a girl with a better sense of humor.
theleahsaurus 7
Haha id love it if my boyfriend did that! Itd make check out less awkward :)
SynysterNero 20
Why can't the customers at my job be that much fun?
zebraowl 8
Sounds like a funny guy to me , I wouldnt be embarrassed .
theleahsaurus 7
How long have you been dating?
weirder_than_you 11
Is your BF gay , by and ****** chance?
samimcCune 15
oranges are my favorite fruit but i'm sitting here trying to not think about the pain your genitals would be in from all the acidity in oranges. maybe i'm wrong but that sounds like a bad idea for anything below the belt. also speaking from the experience of having pepper spray on my nether regions, i wouldn't even want to take the risk of finding out. no matter how much i love oranges.
Elfkid21 19
hahahahhha your bf sounds ******* awesome to hang out with!! lol