Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RensM 22
At least he has a great sense of humour!
BRLHP 24
Sounds kinky.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
Sprechchor 12
I knew I wasn't the only one who found citruses sexy.
nerdsgetmehot 23
As a cashier, I would find that comment hilarious but not take it seriously at all. I wouldn't worry, OP. :P
pimpcrackerz 7
sounds like something i wouldve said hahaha
01Ben21 10
Oranges and condoms! What a combo!
onorexveritas 24
OJ baby
abirdgotshot 13
Sequel to 50 shades of grey, 50 rounds of oranges.
ouibijou 15
He sounds fun! I would have gone along with it
Hawaii84 16
That's pretty funny! His a keeper.
BellaBelle_fml 23
It's true, orange juice in the eyes stings pretty bad. But it's no where near the pain of getting cum in your eyes! It happened to me once on accident. It burned so bad and my eye was puffy for about two days. My husband was a little more careful and gave me a little more warning after that.
Pstraka6 20
Your boyfriend is hilarious. Keep him!