Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RensM 22
At least he has a great sense of humour!
BRLHP 24
Sounds kinky.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (124)
RensM 22
At least he has a great sense of humour!
gotaplanstan 28
Orange you glad op?
ohgeejosee 19
I kind of want to be a cashier just so I can hear and see things like this. Id keep the straightest face and just agree with people.
MuseFan1991 14
i wish the customers i serve at my job were as funny as this guy. it would make the days go quicker :)
VeganVampyre 27
61- No, you don't. The boring/ annoying/ cranky people far outnumber the funny/ entertaining ones most days. However, today one of my customers said "Well it must be spring, your hair is changing colour! Looks just about ripe!" (I have pinkish red streaks in my hair) which was pretty amusing.
ExplodingGrape 1
I don't think he was kidding.
EmperorChowilio 21
#92 Maybe cause you're a vampire......just wondering what exactly does a vampire drink?
BRLHP 24
Sounds kinky.
BlueFlatts 20
It's just sweet and sticky sex, sounds almost normal.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
It peely is the zest sex you've ever had.
boating_guy 33
anyone here heard of mango sex?
zandalee 20
May just try this tonight. Sounds so refreshing!
pbonham 22
Well we all know who's going to have nightmares tonight... ME!
sux4u121 10
Of all things that give you nightmares it's this, The kinky orange sex fiends? You must be new here ;)
lonewolf621 17
Have a blender ready next to you then for when the oranges attack
OptimusVader 23
You sure it'll be a nightmare and not a wet dream?
dmoran20 27
I'm sure "we all" didn't know, I'm also sure we still don't.
ShyAnn29 15
3, sex gives you nightmares?
Yourheadache 19
no sex, why sex?, it might be arancia phobia.
pbonham 22
Yes, kinky orange sex fiends gives me nightmares.... Can you imagine how sticky those two would get? ;)
Tupelo_Honey 30
Well, is that true?
ColCyclone 17
They need that vitamin D if you catch my drift
datoismyname 22
What an awesome boyfriend!
primadonnagirl 13
This sounds like something my bf would say, lol he's funny.
israelnotjacob 20
At least you get plenty of Vitamin C in your diet.
WillTay 8
Yeah, not to mention... the vitamin D
expertsmilee 26
^ This was quite clever, made me lol.
bluehero 17
Big ole Vitamin D, I get it. Lmao
Mjwnenrjs 17
Best comment ever!
Pandasawr 10
Your boyfriend shoulde kept that to yourselves :c that must be super embarrassing. The cashier probably thinks your both weird now. Sorry OP!!
dathan 14
Luckily it's only that guy. The rest of us get it. :D
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Clearly, OP will be forever devastated that one person now thinks they're strange. It will haunt them for the rest of their lives!
23Z9TZO 18
Pretty sure cashier would be able to understand a joke..
MyNameIsViet 15
Or the cashier would be debating with him/her self whether or not they're serious or not XD
delaneyluke 5
So what did the cashier reply OP??
Axipiter 24
Or whether or not he wants to join in.
VeganVampyre 27
I'm a cashier, and if it was me I would seriously be wondering if he actually meant it. You get a lot of strange people, and hear and see a lot of strange things, working cash in a grocery store so you never know. Could have been dead serious. This is why we have the website "the customer is not always right" :P
BlueFlatts 20
I'll have what he's having w/o the pulp.