Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
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Top comments
RensM 22
At least he has a great sense of humour!
BRLHP 24
Sounds kinky.
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Comments (124)
hallix 21
Since my skin has an allergic reaction to citric acid, I'm glad I'm not dating him!
ash2ash 3
50 shades of Orange...edit: just realized someone beat me to it haha
TheWorldGreatest 8
Omg that sounds like fun.
liltwistism 12
Be glad! That's hilarious! This is one of the funniest FML's I've read :)
fanceypants44 7
I made an account just to comment on this, funniest thing I've read in awhile! You should be happy he has a sense of humour, should've went along with it. If I was the cashier I wouldn't have kept a straight face.
MikeyScene420 17
Sounds like my kind of sex. Sweet and juicy.
Kk_Waylen24 21
I would have loved to see the cashier's face!
JMW177 6
Hahaha
missadoodikins 9
Mmm juicy. Sorry op, this is hilarious.
monkeyy100 15
Its always nice to try something new ;) you might end up liking it!