Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML
Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML
Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML
Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
Today, I climbed into my junky old car and was pleasantly surprised that the AC came on. I patted the dash and said, "Thanks, buddy." Ten minutes later, as I was tearing down the highway, the engine threw a rod. FML
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That was no seat warmer - grandma had pooped herself.
iseyixes 18
You should definitely not be driving if you don't know how to keep control of the wheel just because the passenger shouted. I'm glad it was a pole and not a person.
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Comments (122)
darkfairy2684 9
Should have told her
MineIsBigger 5
...or told her not to bring her ass along for the ride. donkeys are no good for car rides with their jive talkin homeboy lingo!
Xx_Nikky_xX 4
granny gots one hot ass! ;)
8stringGuitarist 3
I don't get how her shouting caused him to crash.
EvilTwerp 12
31- If someone told me they were injured in any sort of way, or to watch out, I'd turn my head in that direction, or check on the passenger to make sure. Therefore not watching the road can cause accidents.
8stringGuitarist 3
35-not looking and swerving are two different things
gantzlord 5
Op should have chilled the **** out slowed down, pulled over, and turned off the seat warmer for her, idk just seems like an over reaction imo
thebottomdog 0
Not a ydi but this could have been prevented while sitting in the car you could have said " grandma look at the cool features"
nic7973 23
poor nana :(
nic7973 23
too funny!
dirtroadboy 7
preventable here. However a friend of mine wre ked her car a few weeks ago by sneezing while driving and smacking a telephonep pole. Regardless OP, should not have flipped out. This one is on you
MackenzieWells 0
Wht she doesn't know won't hurt her...
Characterise 0
yes it's your fault not your grandmas one you tell her first two you don't have it on three you don't have it on to high at all lowest minimum is enough you should know old ppl have fragile skin
primadonna9396 16
I guess you should have thought harder about old people and technology, but then again, hindsight is always 20/20. FYL OP, hope you had fun explaining that one to the insurance people.
SaMmIMonster96 6
Well, you will learn to speak up or just not turn them on.. Sorry for your car though.
DocBastard 40
That was no seat warmer - grandma had pooped herself.
karkid619 8
True shit.
dashilis 1
Factual poo
elk21dbm 18
My grandma pees herself if she accidentally leaves the seat warmer on
TunechiXXL 0
Intelligent
becccers 14
@61 Thank you for the contribution.
periwinkle95 10
Sometimes those do really burn your ass though!
mango260 9
*sigh* old people, you gotta love em!
danni218 1
haha yea I actually laughed out loud...got odd stares back haha
Mr_Que_Dijo23 5
Hey well Nationwide is on your side!:)
LaColombianita 26
Or in this case NationBoop is on your.....soop.. I think
sinking_fish 12
44- What the hell? Lmao.
LaColombianita 26
Like the commercial NationPam is on your... *pause* Sam...
Jakesterk96 8
Or "Get all state, so you can be protected from dangers like me."
4everblackjack 10
I actually sang while reading your comment..
TheClumsiest 0
did you manage to save your coffee?
Wicked361 8
Or "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR STATE FARM IS THERE... with a sandwich and the girl from 4b. CAN I GET A HOT TUB?!"
high_tower87 9
Learn to drive....
capnbzarr 43
Agreed. Being a good driver means being able to cope with these kinds of inevitable distractions. For instance, the other day my passenger randomly shouted "OH MY GOD!" and I flinched, but didn't swerve. Then I calmly asked her to refrain from shouting while in motion, unless to warn me about an impending disaster.
Characterise 0
foreigners don't know how to drive in this case this person must be one just don't know how they get their licenses -.- drive to slow or don't know when to put on the brakes n always blame it on the brakes not working
imepelepticsir 5
those pole pop out of nowhere
davek 36
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire...
ydi_4_suking 20
Hemorrhoids?
kenttpt 0
Why would someone shouting cause you to crash your car
gloopyone 4
Because the OP is a bad driver and wants to blame it on his poor granny.
iseyixes 18
You should definitely not be driving if you don't know how to keep control of the wheel just because the passenger shouted. I'm glad it was a pole and not a person.