Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we were out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a sex store for the first time, and bought $100 worth of stuff. Not only did we not have sex, but I was up all night throwing up. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
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Top comments
RensM 22
At least he has a great sense of humour!
BRLHP 24
Sounds kinky.
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Comments (124)
wardie 12
The trick is to play them at their own game - one time my boyfriend decided to loudly announce in an aisle "Do we need any nappies?" (we're 18 and 19 so he knew we'd get judging looks), without missing a beat I just replied "I don't know, do you need any?" That shut him up :)
ShyAnn29 15
LOL that is awesome!
noelasis94 18
There must be a way you can make money from the erotica your boyfriend is telling?
AthiestNun 11
Orange you glad he didn't say banana?
porcelainvains 8
This comment made my life.
Curtar2 18
You guys don't normally do that? I thought everybody did it! Everything I know is wrong!
VeganVampyre 27
Oh my god, no! It's supposed to be lemons, everyone knows that! Where have you been?
NandaPanda 22
Damn, and all this time I've been using coconut milk... I was WAAAY off!
maximus_prime 24
He may have been hinting he wants to add some zest to your sex live.
WeWereWealth7 7
Bahaha, orange zest
bReLiNg 18
He wanted to give you the tropical island type of sex. Sadly, this is all he could afford.
aimee0027 17
Well, is it?
rhysfucker 24
Better than avocados.
Sprechchor 12
Everything is better than avocados.
gotaplanstan 28
Yeah, and don't get any orange in your eyes either!
perdix 31
Does anyone else think the boyfriend was actually recruiting the cashier for a juicy threesome?