Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
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Top comments
theuglyone906 4
A hailstorm of bullets??? What the **** is that kid eating???
ptxace 0
That's ****** nasty.
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Comments (209)
ohrlynow 9
Dear God, why so descriptive? D: It's raining right now and all I'm imagining is shit falling.
nickdunbar 8
thats a shitty situation haha
SnowFlakeInAK 7
Please Kay, kill him quick so it won't spread! Or,prep him for Boners and Doc to eviscerate him!
SnowFlakeInAK 7
Win! yay!! Thank you Kay!
Wiggy_78 0
Lmfao. That'll kill him for sure
ProhibitionRose 14
Wait...did you REALLY post your phone number in your "about me" section?! Soo not only are you dumb...you don't have friends? "Today, I posted my phone number on the Fml Website in hopes that someone besides my mom will text me. FML" >.> <.< get a life dude.
SnowFlakeInAK 7
And Rose wins! hahaha That was priceless! Maybe,he's hoping for a creeper so he can have his own FML.lol
BayBeezy 0
and full name....you poor child
RealChinese 7
@rose, do you just stalk people regularly on fml or is it just a coincidence?
rocketeer_97 1
64- its normal to look at peoples profiles. why do you think everyone even has a profile ? & he obviously doesnt have a life because he has a pic of him with his xbox controller. i hope he gets stalked by someone. thank you kay & rose for putting this guy in his place. also, enough with the freaking pun.
zelinaaa 0
Rose you know you called!!! Ha;) Why don't you try getting a life instead of looking through people's description of themselves eh??? I'm just saying...:))
SeaChicken 0
Ever thought of the possibility that someone made this profile using the name and phonenumber of a different person? (Since i'm twisted in many ways, i did this once to a annoying b*tchy girl, posted her phonenumber in a chat with horny old men. Hah, the fun i had!)
Arraggatis 0
72, as 71 said: It's normal for people to look through profiles.
DocBastard 40
Seachicken - I did a reverse lookup of the number. Assuming Nick Dunbar is his real name, that's really his number. Nick, I've seen some stupidity here, but this is a whole new, very special flavor of idiocy.
Doortje 30
Let's all call Nick Dunbar :D Well not me, since I would be calling from the Netherlands and it would cost me way too much, but all you American fellows go ahead. Maybe compliment him on his Justin Bieber hairstyle?
madeingeorgia 0
row?
picklezz123 5
wow this is the 2nd fml on this page with "putrid" fancy wordss
SeaChicken 0
Makes you proud, doesn't it?
kjen716 2
That really sucks.
cyanidesandwich 21
oh i did that in school once, they called me shitty-mcgee
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
How embarrassing! Poor Shitty-McGee.
phuckedlife 0
Boo hoo. Someone shit in a public bathroom, get over it.
SnowFlakeInAK 7
Oh wow. Your life is over because someone used a toilet stall for it's intended purpose! Maybe,instead of bawling like a sissy,you should have went to your friend and told them what a whiny,over sensitive,high maintenance brat you really are and apologize for being an ass!
SnowFlakeInAK 7
What'd I say wrong? It related to the OP. On the other hand, Thank you Sirin, I now feel complete having been moderated by you! I bow to your almightyness!!
heydere 0
sounds like u had a good day
DynamicDave 11
Haha, I love how descriptive this is! It made me lol. "Hailstorm of bullets" was the best part.