Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
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Top comments
theuglyone906 4
A hailstorm of bullets??? What the **** is that kid eating???
ptxace 0
That's ****** nasty.
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Comments (209)
YourMotherWasHer_fml 0
Mmmm , Looks like somebody had a good lunch(:
MmToasty 0
Oh my goodness, I laughed so hard I started crying.
CorinnaHEY 6
LMFAO I had to lay down and laugh
sworntothedark 2
Hailstorm of bullets!!!!!!! Cant stop laughing XD Very descriptive...
yosna1324 0
lmfao this is hilarious
stubblez 0
Ma'am, I feel for you, but this... *puts on sunglasses* ...is FUNNY AS SHIT.
FAYUL12345100 3
I feel sorry for you, but seriously, it's a public restroom. You can't expect everybody to abstain from crapping, no matter how violently, until you are done.
aperfectxdeath 3
Crying is for *******, pussy.
decidedlyvague 11
You guys have a rowing club?! Bad ass!!
snapdragon1100 7
Why didn't you just leave once it started smelling bad?