Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, during lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I set off the toilet's automatic flush and my vomit came flying back into my face. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
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Top comments
theuglyone906 4
A hailstorm of bullets??? What the **** is that kid eating???
ptxace 0
That's ****** nasty.
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Comments (209)
Sux0rs 0
you urinate and defecate into public toilets, not catch your tears. maybe waiting til you get home for that and using your private toilet would be better. private toilets catch tears.
Nashie 0
It seems we have a shitty situation here...
Doortje 30
Omg, you are so hilarious!! Did you come up with that joke yourself?! I swear to God, you should be a stand up comedian, you're so freaking funny!!11!!
brozorz 0
lol
FMLsOhilarious 6
Okay, so why didn't you just tell them that their ******** was disrupting your crying and then therefore tell them to stop(heavy sarcasm there)? It isn't that big of a deal. YDI for crying in the bathroom.
ninjaslice 0
that sucks I would have got up and left
Haloman45 0
I've never laughed this hard at FML before
Sparkiee93 3
This is why being a girl sucks. You try to privately apply makeup or cry or talk on the phone, but it's still a toilet, so people are in there pissing and sometimes ******** in the worst of situations. Then when you have to piss or shit there's always some rude bitch putting on makeup, crying, or talking on the phone.
anonymous595 0
u comment everything !! haha:-D ur funny
MissBunny25 0
95 is a win beyond win beyond win.
mountiegal 0
where else is this person expected to have a poop, regardless of the stink and sound? I thought that was what toilets were for?