Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got up, dressed, and dealt with the kids. I had to be somewhere so I poured coffee for her and me and started eating my breakfast. She got offended, refused to drink coffee with me, and has been ignoring me since. She regularly starts eating before I sit down. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I had to blast music, turn the lights on, and physically drag my 29 year-old girlfriend out of bed to wake her up. All the while, she verbally abused me. This is the only way to wake her up, and if I don't do it, she will sleep through the day and then scream at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
catanita 18
So, morning sex is out of the question.
maosquare 18
Well, loads of people can't go without their regular caffeine intake in the morning. I know my hands start trembling if I don't have my hot brew in the morning. It's really bad though.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (145)
ucoolgirl31 20
Well, she gave you a warning. But she's still crazy. Hey, maybe she got her period too..... Makes even the craziest bitches crazier.
cyborgmexican 6
No morning sex:(
GVirdi 11
Number 3 said it's out of the question
_Peppermint_ 34
Coffee and Cigarettes are bliss.
user324234324 1
I didn't know those two went together. Although there is a Jimmy Eat World song called 'Coffee and Cigarettes'.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Coffee + cigarettes = Your dentist hates you.
AliceLockehart 18
They go amazingly well together, in my opinion.
KitGrey 4
I guess that means she didn't sleep well. Maybe you snore horrendously or are a kicker hence she thought you were mocking her.
zandalee 20
Sounds like most people on Monday morning. God I hate Monday mornings. *hurls toaster across room* Or is it just me?
Trisha_aus 15
Hate Mondays too, especially a Monday morning exam!
RedPillSucks 33
Especially on Sunday
isaiaah 6
That's like me when I don't have my Cap'n Crunch. *hurls bowl at wall* STOP LOOKING AT ME
shutterbug1190 14
I think she may have an addiction going on where if she doesn't get her fix her body goes into withdrawls making her grouchy and sensitive. That or she's just not a morning person. That's a bit scary OP.
Senseless_487 29
Yes, withdrawals will happen if you don't feed an addiction. And wouldn't you know it, those are some of the symptoms of withdrawal!
likeAwesome 3
How is asking about ones sleep bitching someone out? Sorry for you OP
NoReservations 9
That's how my boyfriend is without caffeine from Dr. Pepper or energy drinks.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Energy drinks are absolutely terrible for your body, especially your heart. Nobody should need that much artificial energy.
NoReservations 9
I know, he seems the same on them to me. I'm working on getting him to stop.
MrFuzzles 5
Personally, if I didn't have coffee or a cig in the morning I'd throw a rager and tear the time-space continuum at the seams. I understand her plight, the combo can be quite addicting.
RedPillSucks 33
I thought a rager was like a boner? (raging boner?)
MrFuzzles 5
Or a raging party, or a fit of rage. Many uses for the word rager. If all three happen at once it's called a 'raging rager.' Is it just me or did anyone else read this, and the word 'rage' seems like an odd word...rage.