Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got up, dressed, and dealt with the kids. I had to be somewhere so I poured coffee for her and me and started eating my breakfast. She got offended, refused to drink coffee with me, and has been ignoring me since. She regularly starts eating before I sit down. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I had to blast music, turn the lights on, and physically drag my 29 year-old girlfriend out of bed to wake her up. All the while, she verbally abused me. This is the only way to wake her up, and if I don't do it, she will sleep through the day and then scream at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
catanita 18
So, morning sex is out of the question.
maosquare 18
Well, loads of people can't go without their regular caffeine intake in the morning. I know my hands start trembling if I don't have my hot brew in the morning. It's really bad though.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (145)
TormundGiantBane 3
GTFO NOW
bmkc4 1
She sounds like a keeper. Wonder what she will be like in 10 years
daybar12 8
So apparently she didn't sleep well..
nvidioso 0
time to get out
mikeymayhem_87 15
The 2 largest addictions in the world rolled into one being.... It was bound to happen, and just be glad she didn't throw the cutlery!
whY402Jay 12
Get out now, while you still can.
frrenchy 5
I may be a little bitchy before my morning coffee but to go as far as throwing a hair dryer. Next time bring her a peace offering.
bowser_rawr16 13
You wouldn't happen to be dating my friend would you? She gets just like that in the morning if she hasn't had her coffee.
No_One_Relevent 2
it's not going to get any better. it it has already gone to throwing object with intent to harm, then its a good idea to change the locks.
RedPillSucks 33
Then he'll be locked in with a crazy bitch.... .... Oh... you mean after she leaves.
RedPillSucks 33
Perhaps on broke-back mountain brewed coffee.