Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got up, dressed, and dealt with the kids. I had to be somewhere so I poured coffee for her and me and started eating my breakfast. She got offended, refused to drink coffee with me, and has been ignoring me since. She regularly starts eating before I sit down. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I had to blast music, turn the lights on, and physically drag my 29 year-old girlfriend out of bed to wake her up. All the while, she verbally abused me. This is the only way to wake her up, and if I don't do it, she will sleep through the day and then scream at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
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Top comments
catanita 18
So, morning sex is out of the question.
maosquare 18
Well, loads of people can't go without their regular caffeine intake in the morning. I know my hands start trembling if I don't have my hot brew in the morning. It's really bad though.
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Comments (145)
Calyx_fml 22
Run.
kcor1176 0
Just an excuse to be a bitch that's all
SLC_grumpypants 5
Unfortunately, they don't need an excuse. They like to control every aspect of the relationship. This OP needs to get the hell away from this psycho.
RoseCrystal 17
Add her period into the mix and you'll be neutered with a dull spork for saying hello.
Leslier_fml 4
Now you know, greet her with a coffe.
Blooblibloo 4
My smokers friends told me cigarets and coffee in the morning make people go to the restroom, maybe she just need to poop?
Jasonf6 0
Umm, dump that crazy bitch asap.
talloctopus 7
crazy lady. haha
seasonedtoast 19
I can feel that. I don't function without coffee and smokes in the morning.
Muffin_boo 12
Sounds like a bad case of chronic PMS. :o
bubo_fml 11
For your own piece of mind, ply her w/ AM pharmaceuticals!