Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got up, dressed, and dealt with the kids. I had to be somewhere so I poured coffee for her and me and started eating my breakfast. She got offended, refused to drink coffee with me, and has been ignoring me since. She regularly starts eating before I sit down. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into bed with me and started fooling around. I had a terrible migraine, which she knew, so I asked her to stop because it wasn't helping. She then yelled at me for being "ungrateful" and "selfish", and accused me of secretly being gay. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I had to blast music, turn the lights on, and physically drag my 29 year-old girlfriend out of bed to wake her up. All the while, she verbally abused me. This is the only way to wake her up, and if I don't do it, she will sleep through the day and then scream at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
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Top comments
catanita 18
So, morning sex is out of the question.
maosquare 18
Well, loads of people can't go without their regular caffeine intake in the morning. I know my hands start trembling if I don't have my hot brew in the morning. It's really bad though.
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Comments (145)
ra10244 0
Next time she throws the hair dryer or whatever else at you, either duck n throw it in her direction. That'll teach her. Lol
epokryfky 0
Uh, time to hit the ol' dusty trail?
cwtb19 0
That's crazy.
highfived 1
Harsh
HeartOfLead 24
If that title isn't mocking her then I don't know what is.
fireblotter2 1
You can do better than her
chickentaco1230 4
It's like Parent Trap!!!
caitiebug1119 15
Well...she warned you...it might have been her time of the month too.
JordanMichelle09 4
She warned you, dude. Just saying. Coffee and Cigarettes are the only thing keeping me from killing everyone in the morning as well. I sympathize with her.
babswashere 9
Sorry OP but she's ******* crazy Find yourself a sane healthy girl that doesn't suffer from multiple personality disorder