Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
Sea_shelle 12
Likes it a little bit too rough?
agirls_heart 5
Well if she's so uncaring about it, you should now know she's not worth it...
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Comments (137)
ChakatBlackstar 29
Don't feel too bad. Very few people have a good first time.
Euphrates 10
We'll she's really controlling
Ziggy122 15
Don't lose your v-card to an abusive bitch. Dump her.
jrock9093 18
Don't lie and say you went limp, you only lasted 30 seconds! Don't feel ashamed of it because it's that way for most guys there first time from the years of self practice in the future you'll be more experienced and you'll do much better bud
every1luvsboners 11
There, their, they're, what's the difference you ask; absolutely nothing. Keep doing gods work. Look up the word narcissistic when you get a minute, then read your moronic profile.
threer 30
Burn from a man with the name 'every1luvsboners'. Proud of yourself, Mister Narcissus? I think not.
driinkbleach 18
Is your gf a scary prison convict?
janiiine 5
She sounds either very nervous or psycho.
Aussieinusa 5
People like that are fuckwits! They think everyone should be as experienced as they are. Everything takes time and practice, no matter what it is
Azrael9 11
dtmfb! It was your first time and she should have been understanding.
sunnyray812 42
Don't lose it to her if she's going to be that way. It's your first time. It needs to be special for YOU.
mFUNdo21 17
too late for that
tazmanmike2013 17
If you have to use the word "boner" you're probably too young for sex. FYL though, that sounds like a really shitty position you were in.
squideth 18
I'm ******* 24 and I use the word "boner". It's a perfectly good word.