Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my mother, where the waiter complimented my "wife". I'm not 18, and she's over 40. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
Today, I told my husband that as I wasn't hungry, he had to cook for himself. He rang my Spanish stepmother as a joke to complain that I’m not wifey material. She showed up, whacked me with her Chancla, and browbeat me into cooking. He feels hella guilty, but he’s still a dead man once she leaves. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
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Top comments
x_the_lancer_x 13
Do the same but make a show of scratching your balls next time.
Bloink 25
Oh mother in laws...
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Comments (53)
Bloink 25
Oh mother in laws...
redwaygirl 5
I was really hoping for a good mother in law joke first
Bloink 25
I'm not that clever on quick thinking
starile 20
OP: Haha, you sure got me! Sounds like someone's never going to meet her grandchildren! :D *big smile, walk away*
jw90 18
Damn she really hates your ass OP.
tjv3 10
Tell her that later in life you will help pick her nursing home and then just smile
emeraldisle 30
Looks like you won't be eating dinner with them ever again.
zandalee 20
What the **** did you do to make them hate you so much OP?!
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Well apparently OP married their daughter. What a selfish dick he is for marrying their little girl! She could have married a lawyer or a doctor! Shame on you, OP, letting love get the best of you..
x_the_lancer_x 13
Do the same but make a show of scratching your balls next time.
crzyknt 9
Shed prob get all excited and attempt to take a bite out of his balls aswell
vipirius 18
I think it's trying to communicate.
akaiberry 15
She sounds like an ass...
FMLkoala 28
Why must FML be filled with puns
Wizardo 34
#12,cos its the easiest and lowest form of wit next to sarcasm unless you construct eloquent poetry out of the sarcastic and witty pun-ditry.
Jayalferez 15
I would lose my apetite as soon as she pointed at her butt crack :s
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Really? Whenever I see someone do that, I get uncontrollably hungry. I thought that was normal? No?
TyT63 12
have sex with your wife on their bed
octaviamarieb 18
don't eat too much.. yikes!
efettes 19
Or any at all...
Enslaved 38
The "later on" part leads me to believe that dinner was already eaten. But it's still not too late to purposely vomit in her living room on her Persian rug! :P
redwaygirl 5
Does your wife realize that?
olpally 33
Just ignore her and throw the food out.
Kataclysm97 32
These are the kinds of people whose doorsteps deserve to be littered with lit dog shit.