Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML
Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML
Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
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Top comments
shiny_shipper 28
As I read the beginning I was thinking something had slipped past moderation...FYL
LadyGagasNipple 19
Hmm, maybe you did but just don't remember crawling back into bed after. Dun Dun Dun Duuuuuuun.
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Comments (49)
uhohitslisa2 20
I would suggest talking to your doctor, OP.
Drosophila82 18
Oh I know what you're taking about. I guess it's ironic how the ads for such medication always features a deeply asleep women with a perfect hair do and impeccable make up... What they don't tell you is how lucid and terrifying your dreams can get. Come to think of it I'm gonna take a dose of zquill right now!
Old_Liver 5
It couldn't have been knife to see that...
daretotell 7
pigs don't sweat.
Denny1988 19
well you clearly hate smiles,
adelynzzz 7
Haha funniest dream ever. Stabbed him to death just because he smiled at you? Haha damn, remind me to not smile at you. Hahaha ?
Sudoc 29
Pigs don't sweat...
Kelnyquist 22
Wow. Fyl. Was it Z-quil? That shit gives me the most traumatizing nightmares. I can use any other sleep aid but that one in particular... nope. The last time i took Zquil i dreamed my whole family and i were out camping. We were trapped and getting picked off one by one by cannibals. I clearly remember being shot in the left thigh as i was sprinting across a clearing and then some old disgusting man with front teeth missing ran up to me as i was frantically trying to crawl away and told me i was meaty enough to last him a few weeks, then he slit my throat. No more zquil for me.
TheGestalt97 12
You had me in the first half not gonna lie