Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML
Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML
Today, I was wondering if I might be bi, so I hopped on Grindr and met up with a cute guy to experiment with. It ended up being so awful that I decided nope, definitely not bi. Unfortunately now he won't leave me alone, even after I told him that I made a mistake and I'm not interested. FML
Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
Today, the creepy regular customer found out I was lying about having a boyfriend in order to keep him away. He now thinks this is me playing hard to get. FML
Today, I was told by the guy I've liked for years that he would date me if he was straight. FML
Today, a woman I work with confessed her love to me, but when I turned her down, she accused me of being a playboy, a manipulator, and a liar who led her on. I'm quite openly gay, so in no way did I ever lead her on, and the only way she could have not known I was gay was if she walked around with her eyes shut. FML
Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML
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Top comments
Paintonmyarms214 21
Could've been worse; he might have been into that too.
chairmanmeow1 16
Just list a disgusting fetish or two and pray you never see them again
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Comments (129)
Schala360 27
Eeeeeewwww
LadyGagasNipple 19
Wow, some people are so ******* rude. Hey, on the bright side, your FML got published. Sorry you had to go through that OP.
pooldude 24
"on the bright side" comments are really getting to me. They have almost become as usual as "break up with him/her" comments. Some times there isn't a bright side, okay?
Wingnuts 12
On the bright side, OP wasn't ACTUALLY born with a penis.
Roxas_hearts 27
Why is that a bright side?
christopherwilli 14
Not with that attitude there isn't.
Namenlos_fml 20
27 is here for morale.
Paintonmyarms214 21
Could've been worse; he might have been into that too.
Bricktothehead 21
Perhaps a more aggressive method is required. May I recommend bear spray? Or deer urine if you're worried about lawsuits.
tantanpanda 26
Someone was hitting on my friend while she was having lunch and wouldn't leave. She ground salt for 1 minute, then threw it on him. He subsequently left.
Misswildsides 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why didn't you just tell him you weren't interested? It might of saved you a bunch of pestering from him.
HappyItalian 38
Sometimes telling a guy your not interested just leads them into trying harder.
toastbrot 9
"despite having told him to **** off and die" I think that counts as telling him she's not interested. Some guys are just horrible when it comes to understanding a NO.
Misswildsides 22
#11, it shows that she was just hinting for him to **** off and die, not that she actually said to do so. I personally wouldn't have hesitated to say such, though.
HappyItalian 38
Oops I meant to write *you're
toastbrot 9
Do you really think she didn't say "no" or "go away" or "i'm not interested" before she said she's a lesbian and then that she's transsexual? hinting to **** off means something like "no thanks" or "leave me alone". it's totally the guys fault.
countryb_cth 38
I don't know how you misunderstood that she had clearly already stated that and he would not quit until she went to extremes.
tantanpanda 26
In #5's defense, lots of girls think they explicitly say something, but they actually don't. My sister says "the laundry's getting full" but what she thinks she said was "do the laundry" and gets all pissed at you when you didn't get her "explicit message". This case, however, seems like she actually did tell the guy to **** off.
phreaker913 21
#45 she didnt say she was transexual, the thai refference indicates she said she is naturally a female, but was born with a penis. im not sure the actual term for it but it is popularly known as "shemale".
chairmanmeow1 16
Just list a disgusting fetish or two and pray you never see them again
lurker_no_more 13
I can see this easily back-firing though ;)
ohSNAPyall 27
You shouldn't have to do this. Being that much of a creep calls for a "**** off."
GamerG0DDESS 29
I'm afraid this doesn't work as often as you'd hope.
MrsPegg 45
85! I agree 100%! Crazy is as crazy does. Same goes for desperate creeps and stalker types *shudders*
bapbap_fml 15
I'll have to remember that one. Usually "I'm married" works but I have encountered a douche recently who told me that if I was happily married I wouldn't be at a club (for my best friend's 30th birthday) and proceeded to say equally disgusting/stupid things to me for about an hour before calling me stupid for not liking him...
XandraHart 15
What an arse. Recently, some guy thought he was the shit because he started reading pick up lines off the internet. They started corny and cute, but turned more and more lees as time went on. Eventually I started making jokes about how his dick was he size of my pinky, but I don't think he got the hint.
GamerG0DDESS 29
I've had more than a few men say something along those lines or say my partner doesn't have as great a "package" as he did. Then there were a few who didn't care and just told me to cheat on my partner... I seriously hate creeps.
HappyItalian 38
Makes me think of a guy that wouldn't leave me alone until he got my number, so I caved in and gave a fake one. Unfortunately, sometimes 'no' just isn't enough for some situations..
fhlakd 25
Try giving out a rejection hotline #. 1 212-479-7990 is one of them.
PennyLane27 32
Can't stand pigs like that! Ugh. Fake number sometimes works but won't always make them go away. If they're really getting creepy, tell them to **** off or you're getting security.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
Seriously though. Seems like the more you say NO, the harder they try. Some men are impossible.
myoukei 31
That can be dangerous tho. There have been many cases of assault that happen because creepers called/texted the number and their manpride was insulted when the lady's phone didn't ring....
DoomedGemini 38
In a post about the issue of women having to say they're in a relationship to get some men to back off I actually seen a corny saying "we have to know if they are in a relationship because then we know to back off. If they say no that just means you have to try harder". Despite it being a while ago, it'd made me so angry I still haven't forgotten it.
dutchy86 20
hmm you must be smoking hot! can I have you're phone number?
trucker2 33
212-479-7990
DoomedGemini 38
867-5309
pl0xs3rver 45
Gemini, Gemini, you're the girl for me, You don't know me, but you make me so happy 867-5309, EVERYONE SING ALONG!
smokecloud_ 37
Wasn't it Jenny?
silverkaast 9
your*** douching moron
pl0xs3rver 45
@60: It is, but I saw the username "DoomedGemini" for the comment of the 867-5309 and decided to run with it
smokecloud_ 37
Aha. I accept my downvotes then. I don't usually look at usernames. :x
say_what2032 12
*facepalm*
Katthebamf 29
Some men will not give up!