Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
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Top comments
WCARlover 35
if only her boss knew the sacrifices she made
RitRit 20
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
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Comments (70)
SillyGiraffe 17
At least her responsibility will take a load off your mind
syki 22
She will never be late dropping their future kids off at the pool.
redrain567 16
OP's mind wasn't the only thing a load was dropped out of...
danceinconverse 25
Well what I take from it is you get scheduled sex, which is better than a lot of people.
Namenlos_fml 20
Seriously. She deserves a raise.
RitRit 20
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
vikky538 29
Or desperate dump
WCARlover 35
if only her boss knew the sacrifices she made
Schala360 27
Nature called
enginsteve 17
and she answered
Silk_Routes 14
i like her
brookiee527 13
*digs own grave*
MrDonSalvetti 27
You like to dig your own grave, don't you?
ohrly 11
Pooping at work is never fun
Badkarma4u 17
I guess it depends on where you work. Its fine for me.
enginsteve 17
According to workpoop.com, I make over $5,000 a year pooping... Yeah, I'm good with it.
arano 29
Better than the kitchen sink, I guess. As long as she doesn't miss.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
When you gotta go, you gotta go.