Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML
Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML
Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
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Top comments
shiny_shipper 28
As I read the beginning I was thinking something had slipped past moderation...FYL
LadyGagasNipple 19
Hmm, maybe you did but just don't remember crawling back into bed after. Dun Dun Dun Duuuuuuun.
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Comments (49)
neepmeep 8
Pigs don't sweat man
timaeusTestified 15
Exactly what I was thinking.
mads_nicole 19
I alwaayyyysss have weird dreams when I take medicine right before bed!
Musicstruck17 24
I just had a dream like that as well but I was fighting for my life. You have no idea how glad I woke up, and that I didn't just stab 3 people for trying to kill me and my family. And I was second guessing myself if I should stab anyone.
Futacy 30
It could be worse. At least you didn't wake up to your girlfriend taking a shit in a plastic bag in your bedroom.
MarkGaus 12
Pigs don't sweat
gilligan_isle 6
Maybe try something natural to help you fall asleep? Melatonin and valerian root both help you fix your sleep cycle and you don't need a prescription for them your local vitamin shop or even Walmart has them. Sorry op, hope the dreams get better.
samlovesham1234 9
Ambien, now that is some crazy stuff.
Sciath13 14
Harsh...
yocray 12
pigs actually can't sweat. thats why they roll around in mud.
coatl45 11
Ok, why all the comments about pigs?
snarkytruth 37
Someone claimed to have woke up from a nightmare "sweating like a pig". People think they are being clever or superior pointing that out. We all learned that as kids. The phrase has nothing to do with the animal pig. It's an industrial term about pig iron. Besides who is to say what pigs can or can't do when talking about dreams and nightmares.
cedwardz 5
I had a similar problem with ambien. It left me dazed and confused during the day. I hit a car and broke my side mirror and never even knew it until late in the day.