Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live, and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML
Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship, after he told me he loved me. FML
Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
You're stupid enough to try and blackmail your boss for more money? You definitely deserve it.
notesz 21
Read the word "blackmail", instant YDI.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
militarybrat 21
Soo you risked all that for a measly raise? I would start looking for a new job. Maybe you should read your employee manual, then you would have known about in office relationships.
AshleyKim420 5
That's why you never try to black mail your boss.
davincidasecond 24
Blackmailing is a dick move, no matter the reasons. Definitely, YDI.
sayhisoph 26
How stupid are you?
nekminnet 13
You are an asshole and now you will get what you deserve. Was his affair affecting your ability to do YOUR job? If not it's none of your business. Hope you enjoy unemployment as I doubt you'll get a good reference.
capnbzarr 43
Yeah, blackmail is a crime, you silly twat. Even if it weren't, you should mind your own business.
YFOS_fml 17
suck shit, you reap what you sow!
hurley12 30
YDI for being conniving and not minding your own busimess
schizojoe 5
what does op and ydi mean
JayVicious 20
OP=Original Poster YDI=You Deserve It
mmazzaa 16
Why would you blackmail your own boss anyways! Your fault