Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live, and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML
Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship, after he told me he loved me. FML
Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You're stupid enough to try and blackmail your boss for more money? You definitely deserve it.
notesz 21
Read the word "blackmail", instant YDI.
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Comments (128)
Meanmommy02 11
Ample proof. Upon the investigation you would have discover open marriage. Your investigation skills suck op
allplayedout 20
"Today, I chose to be an absolute shit weasel at work and yet I still have a job."
Kristoffer 35
ydi. blackmail makes YOU the douchebag, not your boss.
Zebediabolical 45
PLOT TWIST: OP is the coworker that was screwing the boss. Now OP is the coworker getting screwed by his own stupidity.
Isa_fml 20
And you're calling HIM a douchebag? Mind your own business, asshole. You deserved the HELL out of it.
jasonswife423 18
Sounds like karma. You get raises when you deserve them, not when you extort them. YDI
bunnylady08 13
here's a concept: earn your freaking raises, don't expect things to fall into your lap. you're what's wrong with this world, congrats
bunnylady08 13
I really struggle to wrap my head around how the concept of minding your own Damn business, gets construed as, let me jump into a situation I know nothing about... get yourself straight before you go diving into other people's shit. I thought this was basic stuff here...
Helldemon 32
I love all the people saying work hard and you'll get a raise or earn your raises, like that happens most of the time. Plenty of companies/work places will screw you over as much as they possibly can and do everything they can to keep from giving you a raise. I'm not saying what OP did was right but the fact that he posted this on FML and calls the boss a douchebag probably means OP probably does work hard at his job.
nazmi 2
Screw his wife that's ur next step.