Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife somehow found out that my "surprise bonus" from earlier this year was actually hush money from my boss to keep quiet about her affair. Rather than let a good thing alone, she threw a fit and called my boss's husband. Now I'm jobless, and my boss has sworn I'll never work in my industry again. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML
Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML
Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live, and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML
Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship, after he told me he loved me. FML
Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
You're stupid enough to try and blackmail your boss for more money? You definitely deserve it.
notesz 21
Read the word "blackmail", instant YDI.
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Comments (128)
Zebediabolical 45
How are you not fired for this OP? If you worked for me you'd have been canned before the end of the day. And the reason would be 'TRIED TO BLACKMAIL BOSS, HR CAN CONFIRM'. And depending on how pissed off I was, I might take out an ad in the local paper making sure everyone else knew what kind of special idiot you are.
usmc_sean 8
Sounds like you should be fired for trying to blackmail your boss
jeesh10 10
"I tried to blackmail" and that's all I need to read. Dipshit.
ajs1987 15
You want to get back at your boss? Try to screw his wife.
rockydify 22
I think you misunderstand what an open relationship is...
Helldemon 32
I still don't think the boss would be to happy with his wife screwing the guy that tried to blackmail him regardless.
Jeromiah 8
You clearly haven't thought this through. Don't quit just start screwing the wife just make sure you're so good she prefers you over him then then if he gets hostile about it you can blackmail him with that. See OP you're still in the game
rockydify 22
I hope you learned to mind your own business.
Saraishi 25
You soooo deserve it.
middlenamefrank 8
How do you know his marriage is an open one? Because he says so? But yeah, I agree with most people that trying to blackmail your boss makes this a total YDI.
jaythewizard 4
If your FML starts with "I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise," my finger will click the "You Deserved It" button immediately. Just an FYI. XD
vader557 16
YDI douchebag