Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus, or blowing blood. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer, I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy, but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
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Top comments
kaijapapaya 0
Choose not breathing.
alwa7sh 2
Add diarrhea and you have the perfect combination, something coming out of every hole :)
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Comments (87)
kaijapapaya 0
Choose not breathing.
Acousticpixie14 6
Or she can choose to pull her head out of her ass and get some OTC meds. Then, she can make a doctor's appointment if the problem persists or if she develops a sinus infection, which will probably happen if she doesn't blow her nose.
fthku 13
Or she can choose breathing, since it has nothing to do with her needing or not needing to blow her nose.
Acousticpixie14 6
Yes it does...if her nose if stuffed up then she can't exactly inhale or exhale out of it, now can she?
fthku 13
I so knew I should've added this line - She's going to have to blow her nose anyway. And she needs to breathe anyway. Understand? =)
Acousticpixie14 6
You have to blow your nose unless you really want a sinus infection, true. A lot of people however, such as both of the grandparents I'm living with, refuse to blow their nose and would much rather breathe through their mouth, sniff up the mucus, and suffer through the infection. Why? I do not know. You must keep in mind that most human being are complete morons.
waswashere 0
who needs to breeth?
DocBastard 40
Pendatik, you silly man. He's obviously talking about Breeth, the top-rated online poker player in Hungary.
DocBastard 40
Aneetime.
queens_fml 5
I love your pic it's awesome <3
Mcgirr13 0
ummm, I do stupid
Ancarnia 0
Your liquids are confused.
urdirtyolduncle 15
ew, I would get that checked out
stewpididiot 11
TEQUILA !!!!!!
Bakachu 7
The obvious choice is to not breathe ;o.
Incubuss 0
Stay at home and do all of them. I bet you look a treat.
sweet_candy_ 17
Good luck with whatever you pick.
Immersion 0
hel pick his nose :)
ChibiGirl5 0
op is q girl
Glenn_Coco 0
Ima go against everyone and say bleed!!! Bleed bleed bleed!!! haha Jk You should get that checked out OP.
ulicksam 0
Like you're the only one that has problems breathing when they have a cold.
alwa7sh 2
Add diarrhea and you have the perfect combination, something coming out of every hole :)
sweet_candy_ 17
ummmm not really.
HOHOHOhamster 0
you forgot her vajayjay ;)
happysmartg 5
and her ears
wolfshadow 4
Her period. Loud music. There you go.