Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus, or blowing blood. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer, I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy, but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
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Top comments
kaijapapaya 0
Choose not breathing.
alwa7sh 2
Add diarrhea and you have the perfect combination, something coming out of every hole :)
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Comments (87)
kiakia0131 23
Coughing up mucus DUH! Unless the blood is going down the back of your throat then I'd opt for the nose bleed.
Cutlesnap 4
Choose blood! Choose blood! And leave it everywhere!
krystenreneex3 0
aww I'm sorry. I'm sick as well :(
mintcar 10
Ugh, I hate having a cold. Mine seems to never go away. FYL.
talktomandybaby 8
mine too!! i was sick this winter for over a month!!:(
Cutlesnap 4
I feel obligated to inform you of the existence of urine.
DocBastard 40
I have to assume you are referring to #11 (something coming out of every hole), and that this comment is misplaced. If so, your comment makes perfect sense. If my assumption is wrong, then you are one seriously disturbed individual.
happysmartg 5
i'd choose coughing up mucus, you gotta get it out anyways. but get better!
perdix 31
You ought to quit breathing -- you know what they say: "There will be plenty of time to breathe when you're dead." Oh, wait, or is that "sleep?" You might want to Google that before you take my advice.
Keyman1212 14
Stop the cocaine binges.
42billybob 5
Go with whatever hurts the least. From the sound of things the cough is the way to go.
mea_iloveskiing 26
Twilight fans know what they would choose (:
talktomandybaby 8
im a twilight fan and i would choose nose bleed..but im not going to suck her blood! thats disgusting.