Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus, or blowing blood. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer, I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy, but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
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Top comments
kaijapapaya 0
Choose not breathing.
alwa7sh 2
Add diarrhea and you have the perfect combination, something coming out of every hole :)
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Comments (87)
selene1_fml 0
you should go to the ER and get tht checked!!
Jimboom 12
Just whatever you do, don't block both your nose and mouth at the same time... that blood and mucus gotta come out somewhere. o.O
IneffableLullaby 13
All I can say is good luck with your condition, OP. It sounds like a real ******* blast. [/sarcasm]
julian24245 0
Blow blood, coughing annoys everyone and at least blood is kinda cool. FYL
bumnumber1 0
You need nasal steroids. They will likely fix you. They were descheduled by the FDA and can be bought over the counter in many cases. Then you'll be able to breathe through your nose. Problem solved.
maybaybe 0
That's sucks :( Hope you get better soon.
nickalamb 4
You're doing it wrong.
xxxJORDYBEARxxx 0
don't need to go to the er for that.. just go into a walk in clinic or make an appointment with a doctor
dragonsleuth 0
I want to make love to your anus: )
Personalgee 0
Stop doing coke.....