Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after two days of not showering. FML
Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FrozenMusic 26
That's snot a bad dream. *waits for down votes*
YoloWhiteRSA 20
I nose exactly how you feel.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (22)
Ilovemysphynx 19
Boogers > sex.
ScratchCatPower 32
That, too, can be a very satisfying feeling according to your brain. Who am I to judge?
igottapee 27
hope you washed your hands in your dream
FrozenMusic 26
That's snot a bad dream. *waits for down votes*
MessedUpLife00 13
How ironic, you're waiting for something that you won't get a lot of!
Hunter_the_Ninja 22
Looks like you're picking up the slack, 13
YoloWhiteRSA 20
I nose exactly how you feel.
manuwish 9
plot twist..what you dreamt was a booger turned out to be your 4 D matrix breathing tube..now is your chance to escape the pod during repairs..XP haha
flyingflies 36
You tried too hard, dude.
Lalala579121 28
Well thanks for giving Mnight Shyamalan his next movie idea...
soodytheboi 23
Pulling boogers out of your nose is like finishing your math homework. It's all done and there's nothing more to get, and once you get there, you feel satisfied.
teenageboy 7
Whats the problem here?
RichardPencil 32
A booger that required two hands to harvest? You need to put that thing in the Smithsonian next to the Hope Diamond!
RpiesSPIES 27
I've had that dream before. The end result is a gloriously putrid minty green.