Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
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Top comments
Pinkfl0yd 9
Doesn't matter; had snacks!
ThatGuyRory 9
Ice Cream makes everything better.
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Comments (242)
blanccamaro74 6
R u two old or are you just a beard lol
rayyyyyy 2
That makes no sense.
Duuvve 13
If you puzzle a little bit and change some words you get: "Are you two old or do you have a beard? LoL"
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
40 Calling OP a beard is implying her boyfriend is gay and she's covering for him. Meaning 35 thinks the only reasons for not getting it up is you're old or you're gay.
Duuvve 13
#65 Thanks, I didn't know that. English is not my native language, so I guess I learned something new today. :D
reddudeover 2
38 - It's stupid but it makes sense. A beard is a girl that a closeted gay guy dates to "seem" straight. Yeah kinda esoteric.
felixthemaster 6
I dunno about you but ice cream always makes me hard
challan 19
It comes in different flavors and shades, it's sweet and creamy, and it satisfies. Damn... I don't know if I'm hungry or horny now either.
nowthenagain10 8
Guys, what about icecream + sex??? I like to think of it as double dessert.
kesher 2
It's quite common for a guy especially when it's his first time he's just nervous!
KafkasKatfish 2
Last person I saw make this FML got a lot of "wow, you're stupid" comments. A lot of people had the same problem, myself included, although we ended up with bagels and not ice cream.
challan 19
Relax, take a break and then lick that ice cream directly off the problem area.
challan 19
Perhaps Forbidden Chocolate or Carmel Nut Surprise.
The_CL0GGER 0
Atleast he didn't get hard from the ice cream, right?
asdfghjklana 9
Scream for my ice cream.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Nothing chases an erection away faster than the knowledge that you're trying to get an erection. He might not be ready yet or he could just be nervous. Next time, don't approach it as "this is the moment we lose our virginities; follow the textbook", just take your time and let it happen rather than forcing it.
golferman72 16
That's pretty pathetic.
SystemofaBlink41 27
You're pathetic, you tryhard!
NiicoleeB 0
How is it? Its very hard for some people to do it right the first time. Try being sensitive, prick.
p3mguin 7
Look at your profile picture lol, why do you think she is fat? Because she eats ice cream one day, stop making assumptions.