Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
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Top comments
yellowboy30 0
my nails r cut. let me try
JesseOhNine 0
yuck
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Comments (338)
danielle25 15
This is the grossest fml I have ever read. Tell him to get a manicure.
yourshootingstar 4
11 you haven't read very many then.
wtfitsxash 3
I agree with 33 l0l.
mickmick95 0
i agree with 52
danielle25 15
Yes I have.
CaptainPickles72 18
Just tell him to cut his nails. Telling him it'll make his fingers feel better for you might encourage him to cut them. Honestly I wouldn't cut my nails as much if it wasn't for my wife. (To much info?)
iWIN_not 0
not cool man
Hockeyboy4280 18
Wtf same picture?
CaptainPickles72 18
Ahh hell naw....somebody done stole my profile pic.. Oh well!
iWIN_not 0
it's cool brah. hey it's a funny pic
LifeIsCruelFML 0
yes... tmi. no one cares what you and your wife do when it comes to that.
CateXOX 0
That picture scares the shit out of me.
hawright 13
What about infection? Do you have any idea what bacteria nails can harbor?
yourlifesfucked 0
You have any idea the kind of bacteria a ****** harbors? js.
mismonroe 0
I'd rather have a nail infection I got from a ****** than a vaginal infection I got from nails. err..
Lulblast 4
Lol imagine gonorrhea under your fingernails. *Shudders*
jsaxon1996 0
oh yeah.. "hey! what happened to your nails?!" .. "uhhh... I got a vaginal infection.."
professorR6 0
yeah one time I got twat blocked cuz my fingers were greasy from working on a motor.
Shayton 12
tell him cut his nails then!
Jays7 10
Amen sister! :P
mz_dia 7
eww.. I hate guys that have long nails
lmaoatall 6
what are you complaining about? try a freddy krueger up your ass! look, if you are ever at a club, and someone comes up to you and feeds you a line, "you got the body, and I got the brains," ruuuunnnnn!!!!!!!
MrHughJass 0
lulwut?
laundryninja 1
maybe wannatell him that?
whyXD 13
well its either wolverine or another chick. Hope they were clean.
doodlez223 1
That sucks, but you kind of deserved it. I mean, you know he never cuts his nails. You didn't have to let him finger you.
ElectricEffect 13
Oh god... Can't. Stop. Cringing.