Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
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Top comments
yellowboy30 0
my nails r cut. let me try
JesseOhNine 0
yuck
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Comments (338)
JesseOhNine 0
yuck
buckeye08 10
She should of told him to trim them! Is that so much to ask?
stfuitscindeeeh9 3
She kind of deserved it, she knew he didn't keep his nails trimmed and still let him finger her.
Iamnotmyself 17
Hey look into the brightside, if he turns out to be wolverine, you guys could cut off his fingers and do some really kinky stuff. Too stupid ?
agentx52 13
41, how the hell does she deserve it? It's not like she knew it would hurt.
diceplaya 12
Just close your eyes and imagine the X-Men.
dolphincheddar 10
tell him to cut his nails? or admit your pain fetish. either works
Iamnotmyself 17
-73 I have a pain fetish... Doesn't mean I want a chick to stab my balls with her nails.
Newboyz00185 0
He tore that pussy up Literally
seanders 10
Well I'm sure that you will eventually suck the life outta him like Rogue did, so it's an even trade.
theaws0m3guy 4
Genuine question: Does it hurt when a guy doesn't trim his nails?
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
I thought sex with Hugh Jackman was a good thing.
dakins 0
93- o.O app its not obvious? so, yes
proxxX069069 7
D: that's torture !
dolphincheddar 10
85 it was quite obviously a joke, but that sounds pretty unpleasant. you'd be suprised though
GARCYA23 0
Cut them for him
VeganVampyre 27
93- Yeah, depending how long (and possibly jagged) they are, it can be kind of scratchy and unpleasant or downright painful. And OP- always make them trim their nails! Takes like what, two minutes? Come on...
theaws0m3guy 4
140- Oops...lolol jkjkjk
katiekatie412 4
this made me gag... WHY WOULD YOU NOT STOP HIM?!
cocofruity123 0
ikr!! ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
scrapmetal58 9
At least it wasn't Freddy Krueger. Also, that is bloody disgusting.
zendaddy0 0
he fingered you with his knuckle? knuckles can grow nails!?
BeachBoi_Alex 7
This, men, is why we need to cut and file our nails the day before we see our girlfriends. :/
sarah2144 14
Me too!
shortstuff9519 0
maybe some type of fetish?
Lauren10102 3
I think everyone has a Taylor Lautner fetish
iLikeWaffles155 5
Wolverine from X-Men dumbass
klonopin_ftw 0
or maybe an Edward scissorhands fetish? cosplay has EVERYTHING, ya'know.
NuTrees 9
wolverine always turned me on and always been my fav marvel character.
Takador 3
OP is disgracefull, she doesn't know what people would give to be fisted by Wolvie...
danny_x3dgr 0
or maybe he plays guitar?
dinodannyrawr 5
I got horny off that.....
skizzlerz 0
I almost died when I read this FML. Soooo damn funny XD but 100- I totally agree, Wolverine is damn fine and OP should just be happy to have an excuse to think of her boyfriend as just that much hotter (if she closes her eyes when he does it lmao)
MrHughJass 0
Who the **** is Taylor Lautner?
rbond93 4
twilight dipshit
terdfergison12 0
dang sounds like it hurt! ask him to trim them or do it for him!
mfmylifesrsly 30
omg OP WHY would you let him down there? my ex had a jagged nail one time cause he didn't keep himself well groomed and he freaking accidentally CUT between my outer and inner lips!!! I didn't notice it until two days later and it was torn open and had 4 popped blisters. it was DISGUSTING and PAINFUL and my ex knows I'm NEVER getting with him again. there's a scar now too :(
a_nutritionist 10
wait...you broke up with your ex over a jagged nail...?
mfmylifesrsly 30
did I say that? no. I broke up with him because we weren't good for each other and he was really obsessed
tacocannon99 5
happened to me too, OP. But I was getting frisky with catwoman up the butt...not pleasant...
tzuriel11 9
115 ur freakin weird
Kittehx3 0
how so?
fmlham 0
wtf....
tweetbaby14 18
115, thank you for making me vomit. I needed that.
mrbbt 4
u should have stopped him bit off his nails the started again
iLuvBBW 0
ew, she would be licking or tasting her own juices. lol
thrAsHeRr9081 16
22- So?
ColorfulDonut 7
34- that might be funny if you where a guy but it still would of been strange then... and I'm not quite sure if you are serious or joking... that comment disturbed me :/
thrAsHeRr9081 16
If you're clean, why not?
goshpeople 4
I'm assuming your comment was meant in jest, but have you ever tried biting your nails? It's almost impossible to get a smooth edge. Jagged bitten fingernails might feel worse than long-ish but smoothly filed ones.
MizzErikaHart 8
i occasionally bite my nails and it's usually cuz it's started to break anyways. maybe this is nasty but I can actually grind/file away the edge of my nail to be completely smooth with my bottom 2 teeth. but regardless I wouldn't wanna do that to someone else's nails. ?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Oh my god, that is the nastiest thing I have ever heard. You file your nails with your teeth?! Just bring a portable file if you HAVE to bite your nails, or if one broke. It really doesn't take that much room, and for someone who brings moist towelettes everywhere, I don't think you'll have a problem finding something to transport it in.
a_nutritionist 10
erm...youre damaging your teeth doing that. i dont think its disgusting really, but yeah, your teeth dont need that shit...
5t3ff1k4h 47
130 - If you're fine with all that nail dust, dirt and grime in your mouth, that's your prerogative. In my opinion though, biting nails and/or filing your nails with your teeth is pretty disgusting, considering everything you touch during the course of a day, regardless of how many times you wash your hands. You're touching something all the time and 99% of the time, it's got billions of germs on it.
slimjim8094 12
Your mouth has billions of germs in it. Your gut is worse. But I suppose you're one of those people that Lysols the toilet seat and Purells the hands, but ignores the remote control? We have immune systems so germs don't matter. Grow up
a_nutritionist 10
i dont remember saying i do it, i simply said i dont see it as being that disgusting. youve got higher levels of contaminants on your food than the minor amount from 'filing' back your nails. so long as the individual keeps their hands and mouth clean its not a huge issue, and your mouth does have bacteria all over it. hence why mouth infections and bad teeth are a problem. its not just a build up of sugar that causes tooth decay you know. this is why people brush their teeth twice a day.
HannahJoButtons 2
ever had a virus? yyyyeah....wonder what causes them?
HannahJoButtons 2
that was for 184 btw
itsgen 16
that disturbed me too
a_nutritionist 10
@184 nothing youve said makes sense. yes your gut has bacteria, so? so does your shit, eat that, tell me how you feel in the morning " We have immune systems so germs don't matter. Grow up" ...then i challenge you to leave raw chicken in the sun for 7 days, then eat it. germs dont matter, youll be fine. remember, cooking is cheating. ill wait for your fml.
5t3ff1k4h 47
184 - Actually, no, I'm not one of those people. The thought of what Miss Erika said grossed me out. Also, germs don't matter? Tell me exactly that the next time you end up with a severe illness caused by some form of germ. Are you one of those people who eats dirt and believes it's normal and okay to do? Take the nutritionist's advice and either eat shit or raw chicken that's been sitting out for a week. 196 - I realize.
raptor98765 0
Okkkkkk
yellowboy30 0
my nails r cut. let me try
BabyOtaku 0
lmao
applesauce123 3
perv
applesauce123 3
perv
mallard69 0
creep.
fylnotmine89 1
5- you took the words out my mouth! lol
truthinlies 1
wow wtf 63 and 64 are the exact same thing yet one has -6 and the other has 3
Imgonnahaveabf 9
You know OP might be under 18. Pedo0o0
Lulblast 4
If OP was under 18 why would she be talking about her fingering experiences? Just Saying.
tzuriel11 9
haha i was waiting for someone to offer to finger her lol
maz255 10
187 wait, what?
ogthug24 4
this is fuckken funny
chloeebella2009 0
haha thats funn
duckman9 55
at least he's not cyclops!
duckman9 55
at least he's not cyclops!
lmfaoooooooooo 4
I think 1 eye is better than long nails
TheMasticater 9
geek instincts kicking in...cyclops has two eyes...they just shoot lasers if they aren't covered. ouch.
tona01 16
not the greek creature cyclops from xmen, he has two eyes, but can't control laser beams that shoot out of his eyes, unless he uses sunglasses, his weird eye thingy or closses his eyes
Perry85 42
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I get that complaint alot :( I bite my nails so they tend to get sharp and jagged
MizzErikaHart 8
ur comment made me cringe.
Jays7 10
You know in some cultures, that's considered sexy. I don't know what these cultures are really. But to me, plain disgusting. :)
jsaxon1996 0
how about.. not chewing them? it's gross and unhealthy. use nail trimmers like us regular people.
ReynshineCutting 10
Umm. Us regular people? Do you not realize how common nail biting is? 44% of adolescents and 29% of young adults bite their nails.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
"Us normal people?" It's a bad habit. Nervousness or anxiety can be a factor... I'm a nail biter and most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it.
jsaxon1996 0
well then I should have said, "like us smart people."
TaylorKopacz 13
you have terrible grammar^
iAmScrubs 19
This is how I would imagine a sex scene from Twilight.
Iamnotmyself 17
Vampires can't get erect because they have no blood flow... Lesbians might work.
imosim 0
you don't need to be erect to finger her ;P
dabears4life 0
hahhah yes! #95 made my day
VeganVampyre 27
62- Twilight vampires can get erect, because they have venom in place of the blood. And also they're made of diamonds so they're all hard anyway :P
Didpetercall 9
at 62 vampires can ****, havnt you ever seen true blood?
282828 0
no but considering there always ice cold they probly hav a shriveled upbpenis there for maximum erection size for them is 2in...3 if there lucky
tona01 16
wrong they have a never-ending boner because of rigor mortis
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
144- trueblood is amazing!!
gossip_girl23 0
I totally agree!!!!
Iamnotmyself 17
Y'all are buzzkills
mus13kitty 0
he's talking about twilight not true blood
raphanne_fml 33
Well if your boyfriend looks like Hugh Jackman that's ok, otherwise FYL
Pawned71 0
Nerd nails+finger+p*ssy= Upset woman :(