Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
Today, I had to drive my husband to the ER because he stuck a cucumber in his butt. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, in a scene worthy of any comedy movie, I slipped and landed on my ass right on the garden rake my husband left in the grass. Sounds funny, right? Well, I have 9 holes in my ass and thigh that need stitches. One of them came close to poking my femoral artery, so technically I almost died. FML
Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
warped_executive 16
Practice makes perfect? xD
SuperWhoMarvLock 22
I think lying about it is way worse than owning up to it. It just makes you look stupider than you already look.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (197)
speed150mph 2
Well when a man and a cucumber love each other very much, the get urges, then 9 months later a pickle is born... Or that's the story I was told
SirEnigM0nk 22
Veggie Tales Facts of Life edition?
SirEnigM0nk 22
@75: The AC was broken so they wanted to chill out. Plus it keeps the cucumber fresh. Either way this was definitely a royal pain in the ass.
Roxas_hearts 27
Must've been HowToBasic. I'd probably believe him.
ILikeKoalas 24
Ouch… even saying that a roommate stuck it up there whilst you struggled against your will is better than that lame excuse!
sturschaedel 27
Except that will get the roommate in trouble for rape. Just own up to it, I'm sure the doctors have seem worse.
ViviMage 40
Paging DocBastard. Please take another X-Ray!
tomjay007 19
Haha I work.in surgery dept. we see something like this once in a while same reason
wheelchairchick 11
Did you have to get it out? If you didn't not sure how this is a FML for you.
Ishilied 11
... It's a white lie to help them deal with the embarrassment of what actually happened, in spite of how obvious it is. It takes courage to actually go get help for something like that, no need to crap on them for it.
wakemeupplease 21
You know shit happens lol
PrestonWolf 13
Um excuse me but ah isn't there a patient to doctor privacy law? Like wtf OP.
slyde32 12
only if they give personal details, since no names or adresses were written in the fml it's perfectly fine. If it wrote "today, a guy named John Doe came in to my hospital with a cucumber up his anus, he claimed he'd fallen over and landed on it, fml" then it would be in violation.
SPN_lover666 27
He didn't use the patients name or other personal info so OP isn't violating any laws.