Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
Today, I had to drive my husband to the ER because he stuck a cucumber in his butt. FML
Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, in a scene worthy of any comedy movie, I slipped and landed on my ass right on the garden rake my husband left in the grass. Sounds funny, right? Well, I have 9 holes in my ass and thigh that need stitches. One of them came close to poking my femoral artery, so technically I almost died. FML
Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML
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Top comments
warped_executive 16
Practice makes perfect? xD
SuperWhoMarvLock 22
I think lying about it is way worse than owning up to it. It just makes you look stupider than you already look.
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Comments (197)
Jack_Me_Off_Jerk 5
Maybe it grew there
Bernadetta 12
Hahaha Maybe they were just practising yoga and somehow this ended in them :D
protoskore 27
people really need to get a handle on things. preferably attached with a strong cord, not flimsy string.
Jayroc 18
This is why I stay away from cucumber patches.?
nursecrys 4
Yankee candles (the big ones with lids), false teeth, and small animals are all part for the course.
babysupermonkey 4
laughed so hard i started to haz a couch attack
kevinhlee93 7
Why FYL? Your job is to be professional. Even if he had a weasel up his ass, your job is to just look past the crazy hilarious incident that happened and lub up that bitch and pull it out
UnholyGentleman 6
I guess I musta left my single condom in the grocery store next to that bottomless pit.
emmshemms 5
Isn't that confidential? Are you sure you should be sharing that on the Internet?
sturschaedel 27
Yeah, since we all know his full name and home adresse now, confidentiality has clearly been violated.
Backboner 3
It's the week to celebrate anal penetration because man with man fornication cannot happen without a ******. It's sick, but sickos have been successful in forcing this lifestyle into mainstream society.
Shade1982 21
Yeah, keep telling yourself straight men never do this... It has always been in mainstream society, people like you are just stuck in denial phase.